Introducing my new regular guest blogger! Words from the north

Well readers, I have a treat for you today. I have a special new guest poster who is going to do a blog post every other fortnight. It is my mother. Yes! Because she sends me such surreal emails that I have been saying to her for a while, mother you should start a blog, and then I thought I might be making a rod for Dan my brother’s back and I thought, a blog within a blog! So this is my mother’s inaugural blog post EVER and I hope you enjoy it. I must say, it has surpassed even my highest expectations, because I did not think even my mother would be able to insert the Queen Mother’s knickers into her first blog post. I reflect thoughtfully on the fact that we don’t call her Hyacinth for nothing.

My mother is the queen of bargain hunting, and in future blog posts will no doubt be sharing all her thoughts about how one might acquire a Radley handbag with so many cumulative discount coupons that the Radley shop ends up paying you and giving you a free pie, and the best place to have a cup of tea in the Peak District. In the meantime here she is introducing herself. I could not quite extract a picture of the waistcoat or Foster Dog, but we are working up to pictures in the next blog post when my mother has wrestled the digicam from my dad and worked out the macro button. In the meantime here is a picture of some stranded yoked colourwork I spotted in the wild, Sarah Lund eat your heart out.

I may occasionally sneak up behind people in woollies to take their photo. Don't be scared, residents of Cambridge

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WORDS FROM THE NORTH

Well, the men folk have gone to the football match leaving ‘foster dog’ and I sitting side by side in front of the computer screen, silently watching and waiting for inspiration.

I like to think I have been asked to contribute to the Useless Beauty Blog because I am a very creative person but sadly I think is more to do with nepotism. When I read Susie’s Blog I am amazed at the variety and quality of pieces she regularly produces. I on the other hand tend to find one thing that I like and make many of it. I once knitted seven jumpers from the same pattern because it was quick, easy and baggy. I also like the process of sewing a garment to be quick, e.g cut out in the morning, sew in the afternoon then wear proudly in the evening. I am currently knitting my third waistcoat from the same pattern, so, if there’s a condition called Repetitive Quick Knitting/Sewing Syndrome, then I‘ve certainly got it.

I live in a beautiful corner of north Derbyshire, right on the edge of the Peak District National Park and just over the hill from Chatsworth House which belongs to the Duke and Duchess of Devonshire. The public road winds gently through the grounds of the house, where deer and cattle wander freely and so do we. We recently wandered freely through the grounds on our way to Matlock where John Smedleys were holding their wonderful Factory Shop sale. Hundreds of bargain hunters come from miles around to purchase jumpers and cardigans priced at £15 each (seconds) £25 (perfect) and a further reduction if you purchase three items. It was chaotic, just like a feeding frenzy at the salmon farm, people were stripping to their underwear and a lot of them were pensioners. I didn‘t strip but I did buy three items. Prince Charles and Camilla frequently visit Chatsworth House so I wonder if they buy anything from Smedleys sale, I know for a fact that the Queen Mother always bought her knickers from there, obviously not in the sale though. (The family have warned me not to mention anyone by name but I don’t think the Queen Mother counts.)
I mention the Factory Shop sale because I love finding a genuine bargain.

I have worked in various jobs during my working life, the last sixteen years as the Manager of a Citizens Advice Bureau in Nottinghamshire where luckily all the Factory shops seemed to be. There were four Marks and Spencer Factory Shops surrounding the bureau and one Jaeger Factory shop sited conveniently on my way home. It is no coincidence that I retired at the same time as Marks and Spencer closed three of these shops.
My other half is a retired housemaster who unbelievably liked his work but now likes taking tea in the countryside better.
Foster dog is just visiting until he finds a better place to live.

Thanks Susie for being brave enough to invite me, your Mother to contribute to your Blog.

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No, mother. Thank you! Mum will be returning the Wednesday after next so check back then and in the meantime she will be checking nervously for any comments, so if you want to say hello, do feel free ;-).