A very, very long way from Yoga

Recently I have been venturing out into the scary world of fitness classes. This is because I am cross-training as I wish to become a better pole dancer because I am dedicated to my Art, those are words I thought I would never type. As I am always on the hunt for a Bargain, I prowl the wider reaches of community centres and colleges where good-value classes might be experienced. I have just been to one that had possibly the highest muscle-working-to-pence ratio I have ever experienced, and I think it may actually have killed me. Weights were involved. Crunches were also involved and a man shouting at me ‘come on, Susie, stick your bum out’, it was not dignified.

I had to fill in a questionnaire where you had to state what regular exercise you took if you were over 35 (I mean, that is depressing to start with), and I wrote cheerfully, ‘yoga and pole dancing!’, I bet they will read that afterwards and think, oh, the poor innocent (although, I would like to state that I was the only one there who could touch my toes). I am now going to have as hot a shower as I can stand in an attempt to stave off tomorrow’s inevitable suffering, which will involve me crawling behind the desk in the art shop moaning and looking like Mrs Overall, trying to look sad enough that someone will offer to go and get me a croissant. All those PE lessons I missed at school – I have now been paid back. I am half tempted to go back next week and see what I would look like if I actually developed muscles somewhere around my middle, as at the moment muscles are there none. Weights! Bench pressing! Something that may or may not have been called a Burpee?! I may need therapy. Read the small print, other intrepid bargain-exercise-class-goers, that is my advice, because that was a very long way from Yoga, to which you can generally wear your most stylish leggings and not break a sweat.

(You know what else is hard? Zumba is hard. But do you know, I’m starting to kind of admire my own intrepidness. Do you know there's a 37-year-old Russian gymnast? You see, you can get fit at any age!).