Friday, 23 November 2012

Coming to inversions

I have found somewhere with wi-fi and a plug and I am going to attempt to update my blog with PICTURES, hooray, before I have to dash off to buy yet another aubergine before I meet my friend for lunch, you see the glamour of my life. Firstly, however, there is a deeply unfortunate development I'm afraid I have to tell you about.

I have changed jobs, and I now have a job where I am supposed to roll up reasonably on time looking professional and say things like 'and have we factored that in to the project plan'. What actually happens is that I roll up looking just on the relatively acceptable edge of bizarre and fight over the coffee in the machine AND WIN (memo to self, try to cut down). I am not helped, however, by some particularly vocal harrassment I encounter along my route. And I can't avoid it! There's no other way! That's the way I have to go past!

Why hello

This is Bad Stripy Cat. This cat strides out and shouts at me when I pass him. Sometimes he shouts at me when I am 10 metres away and because I am an idiot I shout back. 'Mrrrrrrrrrooooooow! Mrooooooooowwwww!' he shouts, furiously, and I call out, hello kittycat what's going on with you today and then we have a conversation.

Me: What on earth is it, puss cat?
Cat: Mmmmmrrrrrrrooooww! (Furiously)
Me: Are you alright? What's going on?
Cat: Mrow mrow mrow mrow MMMMMRRROOOWWW!
Me, sympathetically: Poor Pusscat! Did they really?
Cat: Mrow!
Me: I've got to go to work now. I'll see you later.
Cat: MMMMMMMMrrrrrrrrrroooooooooowwww.
Me: Don't make me feel guilty. I've got a busy day. I've got to go!
Cat: Mrow. (sulkily)

Sometimes passers by join in. That is how loud this cat is. I mean, I am not easily embarrassed, but the whole situation is just very difficult. Because I am an utter sucker, and it now happens to me so often that cats just stride out and shout at me as I am passing innocently, I perform a brief health check while I am stroking them in case they are unhappy. I have a white pussycat friend on another road who I think is too thin, and once I flagged down his neighbour (no, really, I did) and quizzed her about the cat's medical history so I could judge if I needed to put the cat in my bag and rescue it or not. She was a very middle-class lady with fuschia lipstick. The cat is fine. It is old and has a longstanding medical condition for which it is under the care of a vet. Bad Stripy Cat, however, was fat, warm and sleek. I do not know what he is trying to tell me. I do not know.

Quilt of boringness

This is my quilt I am making. It is the Quilt Of No Brain. It is 6.5 inch squares joined together and I am going to add a pink border and then I am going to wrestle with batting and swear. I have so many quilts and blankets on my bed at the moment that one day I will probably be discovered smothered under them and then who will Bad Stripy Cat have to shout at in the mornings, hey?

And finally I wish to report an utter triumph. This is the move I am working towards on pole at the moment (picture from this book – this is an expensive but helpful book).

Imagine me with gritted teeth shouting 'no it's ok, I think I'm locked on'

Actually, I can do this move, I just do it in a ratty tshirt rather than a bikini and I have a tortured expression and someone has to hold my head so I don't drop on my neck and break it, which would be unideal. However, this is the move I NEED TO BE ABLE TO DO BEFORE I CAN MOVE TO THE ADVANCED CLASS:
I don't even know why this pig is so hard. I think I approach it in a limp-wristed feeble manner

Readers, it has been agonising and I am not there yet. Every week I whimper at the mention of inversions. It has not even been that I am nearly there, I am just so completely wrong that I thought I would have to give up and get another hobby which did not involve chalking my inner thighs. However, last night I nearly managed it – I touched my legs above my head on the pole and I think I have got the right action. So I feel there will be inversions in my future. Inversions! I am going to open the biggest bottle of champagne you have ever seen when I have managed it. I am chuffed with myself. It has taken some perseverance. Again I muse on why I chose such a difficult sport but there we go. Perhaps it chose me?


Vivianne said...

Congratulations, Cat Lady, on your new job and approaching inversion :-D

The Foggy Knitter said...

My sister recently confessed to me that the days she is late to work is because of the cats she meets on the way! Your quilt is lovely and not boring.
I'm sure it's unnatural to hang upside down on a pole like that... but then I feel that about most upside down activities. Except upside down cake, which is a different matter altogether.

Rachel said...

Hello Susie :-)
Most of my conversations with my cat go like that. I expect the stripey one is complaining bitterly about how shockingly neglectful his humans are, going out and leaving him to fend for himself all day every day. I'm fairly sure that's what my cat complains about and we don't even go out to work.

Sarah said...

I am sure FSC has been trying to share the secrets of inversions with you.

Marie/Underground Crafter said...

It chose you - just as the cat did.

Anonymous said...

You always say that the things I love the most are boring! First it was your rainbow socks the same as mine only I did mine with a short row heel not a heel flap and now you say it about your beautiful quilt. I haven't got a quilt but I aspire to have one and yours is the sort I would love it to look like (I don't like those in a thousand itty bitty clever pieces that you have to know advanced geometry to make one or even appreciate one). So none of your things are boring they are in fact lovely!

Nina said...

I really enjoy reading your blog, which is why I've nominated you for a Liebster award.
Pop to the blog post below for more details.

Julia said...

Susie, I have been an even worse blog reader than you have been a blogger. I got a new job too! But I'm glad to see you're still killing it over here. :) Keep up the good work. Happy cats. I love the quilt, too, and agree with the commenter above: not boring.