I can do it too. But I promise I won't

Do you read Cats. Where They Do Not Belong? It's the captions that fascinate me, I find myself making my own up. Indulge me briefly, I won't make a habit of it.

This cat was FURIOUS and told me off for taking his picture

Get out of that raised bed cat. Although it is called a bed it is not a cat bed, that is merely an example of linguistic ambiguity. Also I do not think you are going to provide me with homegrown organic vegetables which will enable me to demonstrate my eco credentials and also cook chocolate beetroot cake and ratatouille, are you cat?

Not asleep. Pretending

That is not a sleeping place for cats, cat, that is a doorstep and you are impeding the free flow of visitors to this house. Do you care what you are doing to our Feng Shui cat? No, because you are self-centred and solipsistic and not bothered about the flow of life energy.

The satire, it burns

Get off that graffiti, poster about missing cat named Spencer. That is special intellectual Cambridge graffiti and you have destroyed the irony by obscuring the T in therefore. I do not think if Spencer is found he will be able to equal the profound insight into modern society of R’s graffiti, although I admit he is probably more fun and better company. PS I hope Spencer is found soon.