Secret Stuff for Christmas

OK, first things first. I seem to be on a lot of mailing lists, so just in case you haven’t seen these: Vogue Knitting are having a $2.99 sale on patterns until tomorrow (Friday), and Sew Direct are having a half price sale on Vogue sewing patterns. Could someone please go and spend a lot of money at one of these, as I have bought two Vogue sewing patterns which I can’t afford, and I would like someone else to share in the guilt (for a Chanel-type jacket and a princess-seam dress with a fitted bodice and a flared skirt, thank you for asking. And for any of you UK people who live near London, you can get really, really fabulous Chanel-style tweed at one of the fabric shops in Soho – I can’t remember the name of the street – it’s near the market and the dodgy sex shops. It’s really dear - £50 a metre+ - but you don’t need loads, and think how dear a Chanel jacket is. So if you’re confident you can turn out a jacket with the arms sewn on the right way, which I am not yet so will be using something much cheaper to start, you might want to bear that in mind).

Now I just wanted to show you a couple of things I am working on, but, they are presents, so you have to click to see the rest of the post, and I am trusting my family not to click. Family: you are on your honour. OK? Don’t click. Because when you open your strange bizarre Frankenstein-style items this Christmas, you at least want it to be a surprise.

I found a mural, I photographed it, that's just the way I roll. Why would you paint a mural in a back alley? Should I paint one on our house?

Right, rest of you. First, the epic crochet blanket IN PROGRESS.

Set off perfectly by the flowery duvet. £17.99 Habitat sale 6 years ago, not one button left, no wonder they ended up in administration

I made a diagram. It's just like making a quilt. But with yarn!

Yes! It is nearly finished! It is The Gingerbread Lady’s Equalizer Blanket and I remain secure in my initial conviction that this is very cool. This is for my brother Dan. Partner keeps saying how lovely it will look when Milo the not-wolf is wrapped up in it, but Dan, if you are reading this which you are not, you can wrap Milo in it as much as you like because it is acrylic and it will go through the washer and outlast both of us. When I took this photo yesterday I had only done one orange square, now I am nearly done on the oranges. I could not get turquoise acrylic so I am using purple but I think it will be ok. I would like to warn you that if anyone says ‘har har yes but now you’ve got to sew it all together’ then I will be compelled to come round to your house and poke you in the eye, and if you have got a cat I will brush its hair the wrong way, take a photograph, put it on Flickr and start a meme. I will track you down. So please bear that in mind.

Ends to be woven in obvs I do not gift them thus

Hooray for mad colour combinations! I think Aunty Kath will look very fine in these when she is chasing Hairy Ginger Cat around the back of the sofa and collecting eggs from the chickens

These are Noro striped socks for Aunty Kath. I am a convert to Noro Kureyon sock yarn because although it is appalling when you are knitting it, when you have washed it it is actually really soft. There are actually three socks in existence, because when I knitted the first one, the leg came out double the normal width. I do not know what I had done but something had affected my tension so much that the sock is Ungiftable. So these socks were a bit more of a performance than socks normally are because they have the Sock equivalent of the Madwoman in the Attic lurking, never mind, it can stay with the Unspeakable Mitten in the Cupboard of Shame.

I see the end in sight for Christmas knitting. I see it approaching rapidly. Next week I am going to sew. (And eat buns).