First WIP Wednesday (for me) of 2012

Right. This is my first WIP Wednesday post of 2012, indeed I have not done one for a very long while. As ever, thank you to Tami for hosting WIP Wednesday, that triumphant union of alliteration and a great meme idea, and, if you go to Tami’s blog you will find lots of other posts, and who knows, you might find inspiration or a new favourite blog.

I am afraid this post is just going to be a great big pictorial splurge of everything I am currently making and my random thoughts about it all. (Although, just think, we may have a WIP in the future which is a drawing of The Erotic Line, wouldn’t that be exciting. I have looked through my stuff this morning and I have found a sketchbook! God knows how I have acquired a sketchbook, but that is making it all look much more promising. I could frame my sketch if I did one, and put it in the living room! Anyway on with WIPs).

It will be ugly, but, it will go through the washer

First, a confession. God. After everything I have said, everything I have written, etc etc, in the darkest days around November/ December I became seduced, like a thunderbolt, by the Lizard Ridge Afghan, and I bought a couple of balls of Noro Kureyon to try out a few squares. Now I really, really, don’t want to sound like I’m damning this pattern with faint praise, because, I’m really not. It’s a beautiful pattern, simple to knit, really effective, and the Kureyon looks just beautiful – I think I can hand on heart say I love every one of the billion or so projects on Ravelry. But I got half way through one of the squares, and I thought, what the hell am I doing? I hate short rows, and I’m going to end up with a great big hairy blanket I can’t wash very easily (Kureyon isn’t going through the washer on a wool wash any time soon, trust me on this one) and £150 lighter. Because however much I might have told myself I was spreading the cost over a year – and I was – that’s how much it would have cost. And I had a slightly tragic evening where I made a mental list of what else I could spend £150 on, from the gas bill to raised beds for the garden and a new bra that doesn’t make me look like Brunhilde (or, you know, ALL OF THOSE THINGS AND ENOUGH LEFT OVER FOR A HOT PIE,) and it became clear to me that I would rather spend £150 on almost anything else than wool for a blanket I would have to handwash and keep away from Partner, who spills. So I am going to sell the leftover wool on ebay and pay for a yoga class – hooray! And I have dug out my granny squares, and I am going to make a blanket I will be able to drag into the garden and sit communing with nature under. Cost of blanket so far = £0. All from leftovers (although I’m sure I’ll need to buy a few balls at some point).

Gosh, is it an accurate representation of the New York skyline or is it a knitting needle case

This is a patchwork needle case I designed and made – with embroidered stars! I’m hoping this is going to be published somewhere so perhaps forget you’ve seen it for the moment ;-). There may be more embroidery on this blog in the future. In fact I may even drag out and finish my Subversive Stitching cross stitch which says Bite Me, as I gave up on it because it seemed daft, but now I have heard Penny say Bite Me on the Big Bang Theory so I know what it means (I think it means, like, Sod You or something).

Quirky contrast stitching! You eat your heart out, Phoebe Philo

OK, this is going to be a skirt (this is my design). My other thing I have been thinking is, when I make things for myself to wear, I don’t always finish them and value them properly. When I make things to sell or for other people, I weave all the ends in, sew in a nice label etc etc, go the extra mile, but, for me, I whip it out from under the sewing machine and start wearing it with my oldest jumper with holes in to take the rubbish out. So, what if I made a few things for myself and finished them carefully, label and everything, then wore them as if they were expensive designer pieces, i.e. ironed, and styled, with accessories? Just to see if it felt any different. And this skirt is my first experiment. OK, it looks odd now. I shall show it to you again when it’s finished and we’ll see what it looks like then. I’m making this from leftover black jersey and tshirts which would have been donated, so cost so far = less than £5 (I had to buy new overlocker thread), although I may have to buy some fabric for a waistband, I’m not sure.

2mm needles. You could take an eye out with those, you know

My Odi and Amo mittens! (These are my design too). They got neglected in the Christmas knitting, but, I’ve dragged them out again, and I’m halfway done with the first one. I think I’m going to have to do something to highlight the ampersand (on the front - this is the back) a bit better, but, when I’ve testknitted my first pair, I shall see what I think (I’m trying to avoid stranding three colours. I’m not going to manage it). I shall keep you updated,

Do you know how much fun it is to try not to twist a 288 stitch cast on? It's no fun at all

And, my Anne Kingstone vest. This is a new WIP. You may remember (you don’t have to. I don’t make you take notes), last year a mail order company sent me a dead cockroach (by mistake) and gave me some compensatory hush money, which I spent on a knitting kit which I had a bit of trouble ordering but got eventually? (I don't necessarily recommend this as a method of affording yarn, but sometimes the stars align). Well, this was the kit, and I have started the vest, which is A Great British Knit, which used to be the Knit Camp Vest but which understandably Anne has renamed (if you have not discovered Anne’s patterns, she has got some really nice ones, you might want to have a look). I am on the corrugated rib at the bottom, and it is quite slow going so far but I am enjoying it. I will be honest and say that I think my chances of knitting this thing successfully are not high – I am mostly worried about gauge, and I am suspecting I will get 10 inches in and have to unravel the whole thing and restart with a smaller size, and that will be a Hideous Performance and I will be very sad and depressed. But we’ll see, and I don’t know unless I try, and there’s no rush, is there? And I’m not going to get a wonderful quasi-ironic nerd-chic woolly tank top with sheep on unless I knit it myself, am I now? I mean, the new Boden catalogue has just come through the door and I could check, but, yeah. I’m pretty sure there are no fairisle sheep in it. (Flexes fingers). Perhaps I should just knit it, see what size it ends up, then either lose weight or put it on to fit: altering my own gauge, so to speak. That might be a better option for all we reluctant swatchers.

OK, going off to do useful things (ha). Do have a look at the other WIP Wed participants, and enjoy the sunshine!

WIP Wednesday: Making Stuff For Paris

Can it be Wednesday? Can I be sitting here with a spare five minutes and photographs? Could I be about to do a WIP Wednesday post?

Mum and I are going to Paris in three weeks (bear with me). We have our train tickets but we have not booked a hotel yet, it may be the George Cinq, it may be the Three Ducks, we will see how flush we are when we get to the point of booking. I have to tell you at this juncture that Partner doubts my and my mother’s joint capacity to economise on accommodation. If I have to hear again his tales about how he went to Paris when he was very poor (he was transcribing a manuscript) and had to stay in the red light district and only eat every other day, I may not be responsible for my actions.

Partner: And I had to stay just off the Rue St Denis! I was propositioned continually! And I could only eat every other day! You tell your mother that!
Me: Did you buy wine every night though?
Partner: Yes!

Anyway, in preparation for the trip, mum has been on an Epic Quest to find the perfect pair of shoes for Paris. They had to be comfortable, coruscatingly directional, and cause Parisiennes to stop dans la rue, throw up their hands and say, mais Madame, comme vous êtes plus chic que votre fille ou est-elle votre soeur. They had to also cost less than £40, preferably from Clinkards. Oh, the tension, you would not believe, every time the phone has rung we have jumped to answer it in case it was The Call. And, last night, the quest came to an end and my mother managed to purchase appropriate shoes UNDER BUDGET in Meadowhall, hooray, that will buy us both a Kir Royale. However, my quest continues. For, I am trying to finish the City Stole, block it, and take it with me.

Repeat after me, it will look better when it's blocked

I am starting to feel the City Stole will never be finished. I feel like the charts expand as I get close to the end. And now I have sat on my needle and broken it and must wait for a new one to arrive from Get Knitted, will it come in time, oh the tension. There is a lot of knitting in this thing and I think it may have been a little ambitious trying to do it on a deadline, but, apart from that, I absolutely love the pattern. I think it is one of my favourite things to have knitted ever, and I recommend it without hesitation to anyone wanting to start lace, because, it is very easy to read your knitting and correct things if they go wrong. I actually feel, serious face, that I have learned and improved as a knitter while knitting this, and it has made me very happy. Anyway it is on hold at the moment until my needle arrives so I will update you with progress and hopefully action shots of it on me in Paris.

Repeat after me, this one will definitely look better when it's blocked

While I wait, I have almost finished my Annis. Well, the laceweight was a bit of a learning curve, but once I had accepted I had got to use 5 million stitch markers, it was straightforward and it is now nearly finished. The nupps were fine, you just have to have a reasonably pointy needle and do your yarnovers quite loose. I am excited to block it and see what it looks like then.

It seems all wrong to me that you can get a luxury lace shawl for under £10 which is less than a not-luxury takeaway. I do not complain though

And the moment you’ve been waiting for, did Susie get beige in her Posh Yarn order, is she going to have to swap it/ dye it/ cry. No! I got a lovely dove grey semisolid with (subtle) purple bits and a very pretty blue, it does mean I’m going to have a bit of a blue theme going, but, I’m kind of into blue at the moment so I’m happy. I actually really like how this yarn feels and I’m looking forward to knitting it, but I am leaving it be for the moment until I have finished my City Stole.

Right, {cracks knuckles}. Off to cast off Annis. Off to fill my Victoria Sponge first, though (that isn’t a euphemism). You need lots of sugar when laceweight is involved. That’s what all the books say. Honestly. However, for lots of other works in progress, most of which are depressingly better than mine (I mean, I do try to be generous-spirited, but…), go and have a look at Tami’s blog. Thanks, Tami!

Sneakily inserting my FOs into WIP Wednesday

I’m linking up with WIP Wednesday at Tami’s Amis this week to show you some knittedy things I’ve been working on, and if you go to Tami’s Amis you’ll be able to see lots of other posts about works in progress (generally woolly but not necessarily) so, do go and have a look, you might find a new favourite blogger.

I can’t believe it’s WIP Wednesday 45! I remember when WIP Wednesday started! (and all this was fields). And when WIP Wednesday started Tami hadn’t learned to knit yet, and look at her now, I try not to feel scared and inadequate but I do not succeed. Thanks Tami for all your sterling work on WIP Wednesday! I am going to repay you first of all by misusing it (;-) ) by showing a couple of finished objects and not waiting for FO Friday. I am very sorry and I will get to a WIP at the end although it isn’t actually a WIP because I am going to have to frog it. So this is a non-WIP-Wednesday but look, I am trying, I dragged things outside and photographed them and everything.

I even wove the ends in. I shall wear them, you know

This is the inside so you can admire my weaving

Endpaper mitts. I have not blocked these because I thought they looked ok unblocked and I am a great big lazy thing. I liked this pattern and would recommend it as a first colourwork project, because anything geometrical is easy to memorise (it is when you start messing about trying to knit seahorses that it gets difficult, see below). I did only two repeats of the pattern before beginning the thumb shaping. Eunny recommends three repeats, to which I say, Eunny, were you knitting these mitts perchance for a noble orangutan of your acquaintance or is it that you like your mitts to approach your elbow? Because two repeats is quite enough. Indeed one repeat is probably enough if you can’t be bothered to do two, perhaps you have to walk your Afghan hound, feed the koi carp, or rush off to watch The Real Housewives Of Orange County with absinthe and a Twix.

I failed at grafting the top. I had to codge it up

When I blocked them the Zauberball went hairy, I shall have nightmares

Having knitted endpaper mitts, I thought, gosh this is easy I shall knit more mittens. All the mittens! So I dug some sock yarn out of my stash, bought a zauberball, and started Mystery and Manners. Now, I have noticed on blogs and people’s ravelry project pages that people often downplay how difficult things are to knit. ‘Quick easy knit!’ they trill, brightly. ‘Knitted them in half an hour while waiting for Fluffy to have her ingrown toenail taken care of at the vet’s! Knitted with one arm while I was waiting for my wrist to come out of plaster! So easy I churned them out in less than one episode of The Apprentice and then just gave them to the postman!’. Well, these mittens were an absolute bloody nightmare. Not because of the pattern, which is well written, clear, and works, but because of the horrendous fiddliness. Oh, horrendous! Ladies: the thumb nearly broke me. Five needles, two colours, messing about with live stitches, horrific, I needed prozac. All I can say is that I suspect it gets easier with practice and I wanted the mittens enough that I ploughed on. Look, I even blocked them. That’s how much I like them.

Just like knitting with steel wire if steel wire had twigs in

Hippocampus. Please sympathise with me because, due to my own dopiness, I have made an error which can only be fixed by ripping back right to the cuff, and, as the cuff is a (simple) lace pattern and me and lace Do Not Go, I suspect I am going to end up just starting again (I have centred the pattern wrong. No, I can’t live with it, and I can live with a lot of things). I am loving these mitts (I will love them more when we are on track again) but I am knitting them out of Kureyon Sock and, gosh, what strange yarn. Have they roughed it up on purpose? Is it made out of (badly) spun Brillo pads? The colours are pretty but I hope it softens up a bit when it is blocked as otherwise, well, someone is going to be having some roughed-up hands this winter. Very strange yarn. I wonder if the error is secretly saying to me 'Go sell that nasty rough wool on ebay and start again with Mini Mochi', I shall have to consider.

Herewith my WIPS, and do click to see others. Wishing you merry WIPing.

Note for non-knitting readers: WIP = Work In Progress, FO = Finished Object, frog = unravel, Mittens = hard, Me = brave, Mitten Recipients = better be grateful (yes, I know that’s borrowing trouble. I know).

My WIP Wednesday is hairier than yours

Last night I looked down at the slightly random bundle of woolly things I was working on and thought the colours looked kind of nice together. Then I thought, what is happening to me? Those colours look a tiny tiny bit… whisper it…

Like neopolitan ice cream. Without the chocolate and with green instead

Pastel. Oh, God forbid. I think I am still ok, though, I think they are a tiny bit more intense than traditional pastels. I am going to call them ‘sorbet colours’ and put it down to Spring madness. Anyway, this is what I am working on.

The thing at the bottom is my skirt (I knelt down to take the picture, which doesn't entirely convey the Proud Hairiness of this yarn)

Do you remember the hairy green yarn that Loretta gave me? Well, I am knitting Liesl with it, and, this is the exciting thing, when you knit it, the hairiness is multiplied exponentially. I feel as if a small green monster is being born from my needles as I knit. Partner squeaks in alarm like a Big Girl’s Blouse if it touches him while he is sitting on the sofa (‘Susie! I can feel it! It’s on my leg!’). I do not know what I will look like when I am wearing it – I may look like a big scary green furball – but I am going to pretend that I am the She Hulk, who is on the television at the moment every night about 11:30, and of whom I am very fond. Anyway I have finished the yoke and am now working on the body, it goes very quickly. The yarn is a bit of a sod to work with (you can’t see what you’re doing) but it is terribly soft and also the fur doesn’t shed so I will not be leaving a furry green trail. Which is good, because, I mean, I won’t need too. I’ll be making quite enough of an impression.

I am ashamed of my scruffy fingers, yes. I'd just been digging in the garden

Although it looks a bit rubbish, this is actually something very special and exciting. I am trying to teach myself stranded knitting (for you non-knitters, this is essentially fairisle, although there are other kinds as well), and I am not finding it easy. Here is my problem. Lots of instructions for stranded knitting assume you do not mind holding a yarn in each hand, however I would rather do almost anything in the world than knit continental. I hate it! Take that, Elizabeth Zimmerman! Right-handed english thrower TO THE DEATH! I can actually do it (continental knitting), but it feels completely unnatural. It is the knitting equivalent of nailing a jelly to the ceiling. Over and over. I hate it. So I have worked out how to hold both yarns in my right hand, but I cannot work out how to twist them together to weave in floats (you have to do this if your colours are more than about 4 stitches apart so you don’t have a lot of unwieldy strands in your work). So I am poking about on the internet and asking on Ravelry. I find it very difficult to learn things from videos, which is going to complicate things, so, what I think will happen is that someone who understands right-handed stranded knitting will come to my house and perform a Vulcan Mind Meld. I mean, I’ll make them a cup of tea afterwards, I won’t exploit them or anything. Then I shall be straightaway knitting up wildly colourful woolly things like a storm, with none of that awful tedious learning first. Thank goodness for that! I shall get off and clear the books off the sofa for us to do the Mind Meld on, and then perhaps that person will help with the recycling as well, because it’s Bottle Day and one of us has generated bottles (it isn’t me). Good job I made some digestives, eh? Always be prepared!

While I’m waiting for the special Mind Meld person (hurry up, person! Mittens to knit!), you might want to check out some more Works In Progress (yes! It’s WIP Wed) at Tami’s blog (thanks, Tami!). If, on your travels, you see a WIP that is hairier than mine, could you please come back and let me know, because if such a thing exists I will be quite fascinated.

The Anti-Beige League

I had just sat down to begin this WIP Wednesday post (thanks Tami for hosting and organising!) when Partner walked past the study door. ‘I’ve just seen the woman from a couple of doors down walking past our house’ he said, thoughtfully. (Because we are a terrace, we have a path through our back garden that the neighbours walk through, and it is sunny and also bin day tomorrow so everyone is roaming about). ‘I’d only gone into the kitchen to get a magazine. She looked a bit surprised to see me’. I looked round the door and Partner is completely naked and on his way to the bath, so if you see a headline in the Daily Mail about Cambridge Academic Arrested for Public Nudity, Neighbour Receiving Counselling you will know who it is and you can imagine me shaking my head in despair and eating biscuits frantically. Anyway let’s get on with the things I wanted to show you. What do we want pictures of when the sun shines, we want pictures of colourful things, which is excellent as here I am tie-dyeing and quilting and managing to free-motion machine quilt without a/ a darning foot, b/ any natural ability, or c/ anything you ought to have ideally, so, go me.

Why yes that is Jilly Cooper you can see on that bookcase. I am an Intellectual

This is my mum’s quilt, do you remember we had the border conversation? Thank you for everyone’s brilliant suggestions. I went with navy, and to my delight they had some navy reduced at Cottonpatch so that confirmed me in my choice (I think I will do the binding a different colour, though). I’m thinking it works, what do you think? Since I mentioned my mother’s liking for beige, I am slightly concerned to report that she has gone into Mad Beige Overdrive and is buying up beige things right, left and centre. I cannot see how she can possibly like this quilt, I cannot see it. Anyway, someone will have it, so I am cutting out squares for the back at the moment. The back has a special theme. It is, ‘random fabrics that are big enough for Susie to cut 10 1/2 inch squares out of’, so you can see that with a coherent and well-thought-out theme like that it is going to look fabulous.

I bet you all iron your duvet covers. I feel inadequate. Ours has got all its buttons missing as well

This is my previous quilt, you may remember it. I am showing it to you in situ to prove how much I use it. When I made it and finished it, I thought, what am I actually going to do with this thing now, but actually I use it all the time. It is on the bed at the moment (I fold it over so it is only on my side as Partner’s core temperature is about 50 degrees higher than mine) but, I sometimes sit in the evenings and think, what I need now is a quilt to put over my legs. Which brings me to:

I can do patterns that are not spirals, yes I can. I can do stripes

This is hot off the press and I haven’t ironed it yet, but it is the centre panel for the next quilt I am going to make. I haven’t decided yet if it’s going to be a lap quilt or a wallhanging, but I’m thinking some kind of double pieced strip border and possibly incorporating non-cotton (but washable) fabrics. I haven’t quite decided yet. And today I have also been making this cushion.

Grey and pink = ironic juxtaposition. I am a one-trick pony

It’s made from ties and old scarves and actually, do you know, I really like it. I’m going to make a couple. I experimented with free-motion squiggly quilting on one of the panels:

The skill is in not losing your nerve, that is all, it is like Life

And it was really easy. For readers who quilt, all I did was, I lowered the feed dogs on my machine and I took the foot off completely (you are supposed to use a darning foot but it worked fine for me with no foot at all). Then you just move the fabric around (this makes sense when you are doing it), and try to keep your lines as curvy as possible and not cross them. I’m not sure I could do a bed-size quilt like this, but perhaps I could – it does seem to bunch less, and I like the effect. I have realised, reading round other quilting blogs, that people do actually send their quilts away to be quilted and do not struggle through the horror themselves. I think this makes absolute sense, because actually it’s not that easy and I’m sure a professional with a long-arm machine is the way to go, but I think I will persevere through at least a few more myself because I like the catharsis when I have finished. I feel like Mrs Doyle when Father Ted bought her the teamaker: maybe I like the misery. Hey, at least it’s only quilting I have an unhealthy and slightly masochistic emotional relationship with, and I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a self-help book called Women Who Quilt Too Much. So it must be absolutely fine.

For other WIP Wednesday posts, go and have a look at Tami's blog and as ever, be impressed by the creativity out there in blogland!

WIP Wednesday. Help Please!

So, it’s WIP Wednesday again, thanks Tami for hosting, which is hugely fortuitous, because I need Help! Help with a WIP! Help and Advice! First though, let me just show you a photo of me which I took with the help of my new tripod. I am hugely encouraged that I managed to get all of me in the photo at a not-mad angle, and I think this bodes well because now I can take photographs of my clothes on me, which is better than on the model. Obviously the downside is I might have to shave my legs and stick a bit of lipstick on, but, swings and roundabouts.

OK, I know. But try to imagine me without the coat on

It was cold this morning so I rushed outside in the bit when it wasn’t raining without brushing my hair and all bundled up in my winter coat. I would like to say I normally look more stylish than this, but, hmm. Anyway, I will brush my hair if I do a proper photo shoot because nobody ever sold a recycled scarf top looking like a gonk.

Now onto my WIP. Advice please! These photos are hot off the press (I am sewing this now), so, you cannot see it very well but bear with me.

Gosh is it by Issey Miyake? No

It is a skirt with some smallish pleats in the front and some box pleats in the back. I have finished it apart from the hem and the waistband. You can’t see the fabric properly, but it is a thin brown polyester which is not dressmaking fabric (I acquired it). I think it is very cool, and am going for a kind of billowy-scruffy-parachute silk kind of look, if you know what I mean. So it is supposed to look a bit deconstructed. It fits great and looks exactly as I want it to look thus far. This is my problem.

There, look at the loose threads. You can see the static in action

It is so static! When I sew it, the thread floats about! When I wear it, I can actually feel myself walking about in a cloud of static electricity. If it was anywhere near my face it would probably be unwearable, but as a skirt I might be able to get away with it. But what do you think? Am I going to spend all the time I am wearing it plucking it out from between my legs and swearing? Is there anything I can do to make it any less static? I have probably got enough lining fabric to make a lining (or some cotton), but, I don’t want to sacrifice my good fabric if it won’t work, because I was only intending this as a semi-disposable toile experiment to wear a couple of times. Should I just make the best of it, wear it and be damned and go and find long-haired animals to rub up against and annoy? Have you ever had this problem? What do you think?

If anyone wants to say ‘I had exactly this problem and then I wore it for 10 minutes and all the electricity entirely disappeared. I didn’t need to line it or anything’ then, that will be a particularly welcome comment (you’re not going to say that, are you, though?).

There. I manipulated WIP Wednesday into providing guidance on a thorny issue (thank you in advance ;-) ). But, for more successful WIPS, go and have a look at Tami’s blog post – you might find some new blogs to follow. There are people out there making some lovely things. I am going to have a cup of tea, blog hop, and make myself jealous ;-).

WIP Wednesday: The WIP that made me lose the faith

Ok, it’s work-in-progress Wednesday again, and I’m going to do something a bit different this week. I am going to show you my most recent failed WIP. It is a WIP Flop. You may wish to sympathise with me in my irritation or you may wish to tell me a way in which it was my fault, either is welcome as I would rather it didn’t happen again (and I don't really know why it happened this time!).

Now, the thing about me is, I am not a process knitter. I mean, I do like the process, but, I don’t do it just for the good of my health, I want a functional woolly item at the end of it. And this is why I don’t knit a lot of garments, because I have trouble making them fit, and I do not know if it is me or the pattern. I had some chunky yarn which I had bought to make Cheadle, but, I couldn’t get gauge, and, instead of just cutting my losses and selling it on ebay, I decided to have a go at the Corrugated Asymmetrical Sweater from Loop-d-Loop instead. Because I love the way it looks in the book, the pattern looked easy, and I thought it would be a quick knit.

So far so good! Oh wait let's check the measurements

Now where I think I went wrong initially is, I decided to knit the Medium size. Because I always wear a Medium. Despite the fact that the Medium would have been a 37” chest which would have given me precisely no ease. I don’t actually know what I was thinking there (well, I couldn’t quite get my head round how small the sizing was. Do you not get to knit jumpers if you’re bigger than the large sizing, which would have been about a size 12-14? (US 8-10?) ), so, it is fair to say even in perfect circumstances this jumper would have turned out a bit unattractively snug. So that was a bit dim. But, I knit a gauge swatch, and I was dead on. Hooray! I thought. I completed piece one, and I measured it against the schematic in the book. Again, dead on. Hooray x 2! I thought. By the time I had done the second body piece and was knitting down the sleeve I thought I would just put it together and check it would come out at the right measurement.

9" negative ease is not often recommended for a big chunky jumper. It looks very dramatic

Yes. 14”. This jumper would be a 28” chest. I have pinned it together and tried it on just in case the wool had any special properties that meant it completely defied the laws of physics and, gosh. I'm glad I didn’t take photos. I have a bust that makes me look like Ena Sharples at the best of times, you can imagine what bulky corrugated wool with 9" of negative ease did for me. Anyway (imagine dramatic flounce here), I am done! I am so done with pieced jumpers and nasty surprises at the sewing-up stage! I went off to Ravelry and asked for advice, and people were very, very helpful about How To End Up With A Garment That Fits. A kind person recommended this book,

I love you, Wendy Bernard, you and your helpful explanations

which I would never have bought in the normal course of things because I’m not wild about the pattern on the cover (how shallow am I?!). Well, that would have been a mistake, because this book is brilliant. It is fab. It is other slightly outdated adjectives to express approval and enthusiasm. It shows you patterns to do top-down and top-up jumpers and cardigans, with raglan and set-in sleeves, and explains how to adjust them and make them fit. Although I am not going to guarantee that I can make something devastatingly attractive, I am going to bet that I can make something at least good enough to wear in the garden from this book, and I am going to sell the Bulky Wool of Doom on ebay and start again. I am officially giving up on things knitted in bits. So, goodbye Rowan and other pieced patterns, goodbye forever! I have accepted my own inadequacies and it feels better ;-). (I’m not going to admit to myself that I’ll never be able to play the guitar yet, though. That one’s some way down the line).

To see other, successful, sexy, non-failed WIPs, and discover new crafty blogs, go and have a look at Tami’s blog. And if anyone with a 24” chest (I’m leaving you room for ease) wants an asymmetrical chunky jumper, well. You know where to come.

WIP Wednesday: A little quilt, + nice weather for huskies

I’ve missed the last couple of WIP Wednesdays, which is a shame, so I wanted to do this one even though I’ve not got much in the way of WIPs to share: so apologies for the lack, please bear with me and hopefully I'll do better next week! I’ve been busy photographing things for etsy, and I began to feel this morning that perhaps things had got a bit out of control: the postman brought something to the door and as he gave it to me he said, really cheerfully, ‘I can see you, hanging bags up and taking photos! I don’t know what that’s all about!’ And then he skippety-skipped off down the path, laughing all the way. So now the postman thinks I am some kind of Foldaway Shopper fetishist, possibly bombarding some disreputable magazine or other with pictures for the cloth bag Readers’ Wives equivalent. Anyway! Thanks to Tami from Tami’s Amis for her hosting, and to see people with more stuff than me – much of it woolly – go and have a look at the WIP Wednesday post on her blog.

Actually I quite like it there. Perhaps I could just put a chair in front of the hole instead. Or stand in front of it when visitors come

This is my WIP. It’s a mini art quilt. I’m calling it a mini art quilt even though it’s made to go over a hole in the other chimney breast so we don’t have to have more builders until next year. I’m pretty sure art quilts aren’t intended to camouflage inadequate housing, in fact I’m absolutely certain that the kind of people who have Art Quilts don’t also have woodchip and dodgy chimney breasts. I think they have functional houses and furniture which doesn’t come from Argos and Sofa Sofa. But at least I’m being innovative! It’s made from 2.5 inch squares, which were a bugger to cut out and made no discernable difference to the Scrap Bag, which has taken on a life of its own to the extent that I’m going to have to start giving it voting rights and a cup of tea in the mornings.

Spot the purple spotty fabric. That is my top favourite

It needs binding, backing and quilting and then I shall hang it and we will pretend the hole in the wall doesn’t exist. Hooray! Can I take a similar approach to the structural crack in the bedroom, do you think? (Also wanted to say, Mumma Troll made a lovely small quilt recently - have a look at hers!). And to finish, here’s a photo of a certain someone enjoying the snow.

Hmm. Race memories stir while I am kept toasty by my fur, which is so thick it is actually impenetrable

This is Milo the Very Friendly Husky, who is my brother’s dog, and he is frolicking here in my parents’ garden in Derbyshire. Look at all that snow! No doubt for my family it is bringing back memories of the terrible Winter of 1990, when we had no water or electricity for weeks and all had to huddle round my cousin John’s gigantic flashlight and melt snow on the gas ring so we could flush the toilet. Gosh it was terrible. We in Cambridge are just very cold and icy so far, though, which is good because I am no good with physical hardship, as you may remember from the bathroom performance. Anyway, I am glad Milo is having a good time. Keep warm, everyone, and may all your WIPs flourish.

WIP Wednesday: Frantic Craft Fair Preparations

It’s WIP Wednesday again (or at least I think it is, I thought today was Thursday earlier but I’ve been corrected. This is what happens when you don’t work in an office and don’t lift your head up from making lavender bags for three days, the passage of time becomes confusing) – thanks Tami for hosting, and if you want to see more WIP posts (or link your own) then get on over to Tami’s blog and her Mr Linky widget.

Now, I bring you hot-off-the-press dispatches from the Craft Show Preparation Front Line. Because it is an Eco Shopper factory here, essentially. Eco Shoppers, they are coming out of my ears. There will hopefully be enough Eco Shoppers for the whole of Bakewell to carry one tucked in their handbags ready to whip out at a moment’s notice. No, I don’t need a carrier bag, thank you! they will be able to say, as one. I have my Useless Beauty Eco Shopper, made with a mix of new and retro fabrics! And I shall slot my purchased item into it carefully, like so, both saving the environment and impressing all around me with my quirky taste in fabric bags and my much-appreciated support of a one-woman business!

Honestly, the light in the sewing room is quite atrocious. It is all quite Dickensian although at least we have central heating and dinner. If I cook it

I like doing the handles best: fold, fold, centre fold, sew down one side, brrrrrrrrrrrr. Brrrrrrrrrrr. I find them strangely satisfying. It’s like popping bubble wrap, but more productive. I have run out of handles now, though, sadly, and must do ironing and pinning. I do not like ironing and pinning quite so much. There is not the same sense of mastery of heavy machinery.

African Wax Print. It got in there somehow. I've still got a lot left, you know. I might have to make provision for it in my Will

Here is a selection of Eco Shoppers, folded. I think what I might do before my next craft fair is buy a big batch of African Wax Print fabrics and make some more Eco Shoppers out of that. I think they would show off the big prints very well.

It is very possible we will have neither bags nor sufficient change at the craft fair. It is very possible that Milo the husky may eat a lavender bag at a surprising and inappropriate moment. It is very possible that all the price tickets will say the wrong things, if there are price tickets at all. But by God (swelling violins), there will be Eco Shoppers. And how can more be asked of any crafter?

If you look at the DVDs in the background you will see one called Russian Ark. Don't buy it. Just trust me on this one

And here is an experimental cushion cover which I think turned out quite well. It’s made from cotton jersey and upcycled tshirts, and you can see I am experimenting with exposed overlocking, which I think looks good. Me and that overlocker: it was a tense relationship to start with, but now we’re besties. That doesn’t happen very often, does it? That’s what makes our relationship so special. I haven’t got a tattoo or anything yet, though. I just want to make sure we love each other still a year from now.

That’s it for the moment – I shall go and sew a few handles on. Thanks to everyone who’s signed up for my card swap so far, I’m so pleased to have people taking part! Hearts, marshmallows and smooches to you all, and may your WIPS flourish. And if anyone else wants to give it a go, come, come on board the Card Swap Train. You’re more than welcome ;-).

WIP Wednesday is distracting me from Home Improvements. Good!

It’s WIP Wednesday – thanks again to Tami, and her admirable mastery of the Mr Linky widget, for hosting! Well, my major work in progress this Wednesday is the new fire we are currently having fitted in the living room, which has practically involved rebuilding the house. Nothing we ever do to our house is ever simple, because, as Partner says, it is a knackered house, and we should accept that, give up trying to make it look halfway decent, and drink wine. Anyway, we now have a big hole in the wall – in a slightly different place to the hole that was in the wall previously – and Partner and I can spend the rest of our lives arguing about whether we should have had the fire lower, after spending the morning shouting Higher! Lower!, like terrible parodies of Bruce Forsyth, at the poor fire-fitting man while he patiently moved the fire up and down for us to see what it looked like. In the meantime, it is my job to make cups of tea every twenty minutes and force them down the fire-fitters’ throats, as if they were baby birds (I’m not suggesting I’ve got the hard part of the bargain).

But onto more conventional WIPS. I’ve finished piecing the top of the Subversive Guerrilla Quilt, and here it is (standard disclaimer: don’t judge me on my woodchip. I’m having a fire fitted. I’m making an effort).

OK, look, be honest. Do you iron your duvet cover either? Reluctant ironers unite!

As with everything I ever do, I spent the entire time sewing this together thinking, Oh God, it looks crap, I’m a crap person, I can’t even make a decent quilt, nobody loves me, etc, and then the moment it was finished I decided I adored it with a burning passion, and basked in my smugness for a good afternoon. But I’ve got to say, I’m not looking forward to trying to quilt it. Do I have a long-arm quilting machine? Why, no. Do I know anyone with a long-arm quilting machine? {Looks pensive and chews knuckle}. I think my plan is to quilt it in quite a basic way (i.e. just on the squares), by (short-arm, non-walking-foot) machine, with a mixture of brute force and determination. Possibly while eating a bun. Does that sound like a plan?

I need to iron that seam again. God. O Photography! As no art is,/ Faithful and disappointing! as Larkin said, inbetween being a great big irritating commitment-dodger

This is the skirt of the Anna Maria Horner Evening Empire Dress. I won’t tell you how long I’ve had this cut out, because I don’t want you to think I’m disorganised, but I got to it eventually, and I will try not to leave it for another 3 months before I sew the bodice. I’m pleased with it so far, and I’ll do a review of the pattern when I’m done.

It's chunky, it's funky, it's I-can't-think-of-another-rhyme-unky

And this is my Cheadle. I’m not convinced I’m getting gauge (OK, look. I’m not getting gauge but I’m not sure whether it will be disastrous or not). The wool is Debbie Bliss Donegal Chunky Tweed and I actually really like it, it’s great for this pattern. I bought it from The Black Sheep recently while it was on offer so for the price especially, I’m a happy bunny.

And moving away from tangible woolly things, I’ve got a couple of less tangible FOs to tell you about – forthcoming articles! I’ve got a piece coming up in Bespokezine, a new zine put together by Jess Van Den – available now for preorder. I’ve also got a how-to in the December issue of Sewing World, and an article in the next issue of Cuntastic (I was trying to explain this one to my Aunty Kath in the British Museum café when she had an attack of deafness which necessitated my yelling ‘it’s an anti-consumerist critique of sex toys, Aunty Kath!’ loudly across the cups of tea). I’m very excited to be a part of all of these, so if anyone happens upon them, do let me know what you think!

Happy Wednesday WIPing, everyone.

WIP Wednesday: The Quilt of Dooooooooooooooom

Hooray it’s WIP Wednesday again which as well as being delightfully alliterative lets me prove to all of us, and myself, that I do occasionally create things and don’t just sit about eating biscuits and muttering. So thank you again to Tami from Tami’s Amis and if you want to see who else is taking part (and how much better their stuff is than mine, natch) then get on over to her blog.

Firstly though, I’d like to share with you my relief that my swap package arrived with its recipient – she is blogging about it on her blog here, go and look, and I am so pleased she likes it, because this was my first swap and I was terrified I would do it wrong. So all is well and I am very pleased indeed that imaginethatanid likes what I bought her, even though I read on her blog that she lives within visiting distance of the Wollmeise shop* (yes!) and was nearly paralysed with stage fright, thinking, there is nothing I can give to someone who has the Wollmeise shop on their doorstep, I might as well stuff a few balls of fun fur in an Asda carrier bag and go and weep in a corner. But all is well so hooray!

Admire my juxtaposition of Marcus Aurelius's meditations with Bridget Jones. I am postmodern, postfeminist and eclectic. Go me

Now onto WIPs. Firstly, this is my pixie-hat-in-progress, using the beautiful Manos del Uruguay I myself got from Xtiand in the Blog Hub swap, and the Woolly Wormhead pattern I won from Gradschoolknitter (I’ve had quite a lucky week, haven’t I?). This is its second incarnation, because my first attempt seemed to be starting out quite big, so I have gone down a needle size and am now knitting the small size and it seems fine (I am hoping it won’t look like one of those things you put on top of Innocent smoothies when it is finished). The Manos is beautiful and I particularly like the depth of colour. It’s a quick, easy pattern, but with enough going on to keep you interested, and I’m enjoying knitting it. Not like the soul-sucking quilt of doom:

It will kill me. It will kill me dead

This quilt has not been easy. It has involved blood. It has involved cutting out 324 identical squares. It has involved pulling a buttock muscle leaning over the cutting board in a way that convinced me I had developed a deep vein thrombosis (I hadn’t developed a deep vein thrombosis). And then in my weakened state, cross eyed from cutting *&%@@ blue strips, I went into the garden to put some nuts out for the squirrel and something bit me eight times on my foot. Eight times! I know it is a stretch to blame the quilt for that, but sod it I am going to. I am now about a quarter of the way through piecing it and if I actually like it when I finish it you must forget this rant, and we will pretend I made it with Love and filled it right up to its adorable brim with Positive Karma.

Does my bum look big in this? Yes, it looks monstrous but directional

And this is my almost-WIP. I am going to make the skirt on the right. I have got as far as cutting it out and will have a crack at it as soon as I have burnt the quilt and danced a jig on the ashes finished the quilt carefully and competently. I don’t think it will be complicated: I do think it will be unwearable, as I have seen it in the shop and it made the mannequin look like the Venus of Willendorf. Now, I am quite a bit bigger than the mannequin was, and although obviously I admire the Venus of Willendorf from a feminist perspective I am not quite evolved enough that I can take her as a fashion icon. Anyway I will make it, and we will see how rough I look. Doesn’t that sound fun? Watch this space!

* For those of you non-Ravelry-obsessed people, Wollmeise is the Sine Qua Non of Yarn. It is the Ultimate. It is as desirable and as difficult to get as the Hermès Birkin bag. I believe it changes hands for huge amounts of money and possibly firstborn children on Ebay. No wars have yet been started over a skein of Wollmeise Sockenwolle but, well. It’s a narrow line.

Woolly Almost-WIP Wednesday

OK. I’ve accepted, emotionally, that we’re having a Woolly Week, so I just wanted to show you a couple of things I’ve (gasp) recently managed to finish, before I get back to sewing again next week (although, if anyone is wanting a fabric fix in the meantime, do have a look at Mumma Troll’s blog and her beautiful, beautiful quilt). So thanks to Tami from Tami’s Amis for hosting WIP Wednesday again, which I think is a great idea, thanks Tami! I’m sorry my WIPs aren’t strictly speaking WIPs, one is an almost-WIP and the others are no longer In Progress But Finished, but they’re in the spirit. Indulge me a tiny bit?

First, one ray of sun pierced the dense clouds surrounding North Cambridge today and the rain stopped for at least 50 seconds, so I whipped round and took some photos. Here is my Malabrigo Lace, aka a WIP-Wannabee:

Soft as the government regulations which apply to supermarkets, but nicer

Isn’t it pretty? I might make it into a featherweight cardigan or I might just keep it and stroke it like a pet. And I took a photo of my finished Citron, which is finished apart from blocking (sorry it’s on the dummy but it’s just too difficult to take a photo of your own back).

If I had known I would spend so much of my life photographing this door I might have painted it. Probably wouldn't, to be honest

I did 5 repeats in the end. I would have done six but I thought one more might cause me to lose it, and possibly run naked through the streets of Cambridge gesturing with a Denise interchangeable needle shouting no more bloody ruffles, no more. And frankly, that wasn’t a risk I was prepared to take. Would you have been? So, 5 ruffles makes a little shoulder-cover, and I actually quite like the length, I think it works.

I think this is rather cool even though I do say so myself

I did want one big shawl though, for this winter when our heating will be, as ever, inadequate in the face of the icy gales which blow straight from the Urals, so I decided to extend the crochet one I did a few weeks ago – this ended up using about 2 3/4 balls of King Cole Riot so came in at under £10. There we are, that’s me for you, price of everything, value of nothing.

I think I pulled something getting into this position

And because I am finishing things up at the moment, here are some boring vanilla top-down socks. I knit the most boring socks in the world and then wear them to death. Handknitted socks are one of the things where you can’t believe how much better they are until you’ve tried them although they are also one of the things that take so long to knit that they cannot be bought by money. Then I whipped up a bun and ate it. Coffee and walnut.

This is a Local Bun for Local People. There's nothing for you here

Also, just quickly, I wanted to update you about Lush. You remember I queried the localness of their products (and yes, I know I sound like Tubbs. I can’t help it. Some things cast a long shadow). Well, they emailed me back a very nice, well-thought out email, and had obviously checked their facts in some detail – it wasn’t just a standard response. They source 3 ingredients near to their factory in Dorset, and they also have a policy of trying to source ingredients from near their other factories in other countries, to reduce travel. They also ship ingredients rather than air-freight them. No ingredients/ processing are local to the shop in London which had the advert I was objecting to. So, do I think their customer services people are very helpful and knowledgeable? Yes I do. Do I think they are making an effort to source ingredients in a reasonably ethical/ eco-friendly way? From the information I have, yes, I think they probably are making more of an effort than many companies. Do I still think the advert was disingenuous and misleading? Readers, I’m afraid I do. And do I think that's a problem? Well, yes, I'm afraid so, because of the reasons I gave before.

So when you see your local Lush advertising that if you buy its products you will be buying fresh and local, remember that actually, you won’t be, not unless you live in Dorset, although that doesn’t mean that buying their products is necessarily a bad idea. It’s just like if I told you I looked exactly like a supermodel but possibly even more attractive, and then you met me, you might be unable to appreciate my many undoubtedly fine qualities because of the insistent voice in your head saying ‘she looks as much like a supermodel as I look like a sausage roll’. That is how I feel about Lush’s advertising campaign.

So there we are, I have managed a metaphor involving Lush products and a sausage roll and I think that is quite enough for one evening. I shall go and make dinner (potato scones! All traditional British food involves either potatoes or flour. It is compulsory. Or dripping. Are you jealous, non-UK readers? Are you?).

WIP Wednesday: Loopy Cowl Is Loopy

It's WIP Wednesday again, and thanks to Tami at Tami's Amis for hosting! This is what I’m working on at the moment in between being knocked sideways by allergies. It’s a Loopy Cowl of Loopiness (I made this pattern up. I haven’t seen one anywhere. Does that surprise you?). I posed it on something tasteful to make it look even subtler. While you’re looking at this considering if there’s anything polite you can say, just bear this in mind: I’m sometimes very good at picking up trends while they’re still wafting about somewhere in the ether, so, I wear something for a year and everybody laughs at me and then, a year later, bam kapow there it is all over Asos and certain people are eating their words. So it’s very possible that everyone and their dog will be wearing Loopy Knitting this winter, and it’s equally possible that I am quite, quite wrong and I will be stared at as I go about my day-to-day business. Again.

It'll look great when it's finished, honestly. You'll all want one

I’m knitting it in Sirdar Click Chunky which is a wool/ acrylic blend and actually I like it very much. I’m not entirely sure about the colour: I had to grab it quickly because a woman in the shop wanted to stand exactly where I was standing so she could look at embroidery thread and grunt. And then when I’d paid and was trying to leave the shop, there she was again! Standing blocking the exit, holding up her embroidery thread and grunting! I think, though, if you’re going to knit a great big loopy cowl you probably might as well knit it in something bright because it’s not as if you’re going to blend into the background anyway, is it? As well be hanged for a bright red loopy cowl as for a subtle beige scarf, that’s what I say. It’ll look great when it’s finished. I’m actually going tomorrow to have a fringe cut into my hair so I can model it winsomely when it's finished: if that isn’t dedication to my craft, then I don’t know what is.

WIP Wednesday: Food For Thought

Well, it's WIP Wednesday again (thanks to Tami of Tami's Amis!) so I am going to show you my WIPS. But first I'm going to make you wade through an allegory. One of my favourite books In The World is The Star-Bellied Sneetches by Dr Seuss. It is an instructive tale of two different kinds of sneetches, one who had bellies with stars, and the plain-bellied sneetches who had none upon thars (I know thars isn’t a word. I am quoting). Anyway, obviously the plain-bellied sneetches want nothing more than to have stars on their bellies too, so someone invents a machine and they all get them, and for about 5 minutes there they are, right at the absolute apex of fashion, and then they have exactly the same effect on belly stars as Daniella Westbrook did on Burberry. So someone invents a machine for the star-bellied sneetches to be de-starred, as stars are now so far beyond the pale they couldn’t get editorial in My Weekly never mind Vogue, and it all ends up getting quite confused, and in the end some of the sneetches have stars and some don’t. And at that point they all decide that actually it doesn’t matter who had stars originally and who has them now – because both types of Sneech belly are equally valid, and one is not better than another. Hooray!

This has not yet happened with knitters and crocheters. Oh, we have a semblance of co-operation – after all, there are some of us who do both. We all know the right kinds of things to say. Yes! Knitters say, isn’t crochet actually very versatile and of course you can do cables. And crocheters say, no it isn’t really silly wrestling all those stitches on knitting needles it’s probably actually very easy when you’ve got the hang of it. But these are mere words; there is still a distrust there. Crocheters are really thinking, why would you spend all that time knitting holes into something when you could crochet a lacy thing in 5 minutes, and knitters are really thinking, oh yes we can see you pretending it’s possible to crochet a sweater with drape when really all you want to make is a starched doily and a waistcoat out of granny squares.

Well, I don’t want to fan those flames. All I can do is present to you my experience. This is my still half-finished Citron, which now has an unexpected number of stitches on the needles which I must deal with before proceeding, as if things weren’t bad enough. I am half way through the fifth repeat and am aiming to do six.

Aeons seem to have passed while I have been knitting this. Forests have risen and fallen. The elves have gone to the Western Isles and precipitated the Dominion of Man. Seas lap the rocky shoreline forming sand. I must shift from buttock to buttock to avoid forming pressure sores. Liquids are given intravenously while my hands, joints knotted from the frantic knitting of Laceweight on Denise Needles, twitch and jerk like moribund spiders.

And this is my Sezession I shawl. I had to stand on tiptoe to get it all in the photograph.

Half an hour in front of Judge Judy and a bit more in front of Three In A Bed. I rest my case.

I shall finish the Sezession I shawl and I shall take stock. Emotional stock. It will be instructive.