I can do it too. But I promise I won't

Do you read Cats. Where They Do Not Belong? It's the captions that fascinate me, I find myself making my own up. Indulge me briefly, I won't make a habit of it.

This cat was FURIOUS and told me off for taking his picture

Get out of that raised bed cat. Although it is called a bed it is not a cat bed, that is merely an example of linguistic ambiguity. Also I do not think you are going to provide me with homegrown organic vegetables which will enable me to demonstrate my eco credentials and also cook chocolate beetroot cake and ratatouille, are you cat?

Not asleep. Pretending

That is not a sleeping place for cats, cat, that is a doorstep and you are impeding the free flow of visitors to this house. Do you care what you are doing to our Feng Shui cat? No, because you are self-centred and solipsistic and not bothered about the flow of life energy.

The satire, it burns

Get off that graffiti, poster about missing cat named Spencer. That is special intellectual Cambridge graffiti and you have destroyed the irony by obscuring the T in therefore. I do not think if Spencer is found he will be able to equal the profound insight into modern society of R’s graffiti, although I admit he is probably more fun and better company. PS I hope Spencer is found soon.

I am counting this as a Finished Object and no-one is going to stop me

DAD DO NOT READ CONTAINS DETAILS OF YOUR XMAS PRESENT, THANKYOU xx

Readers, you are lucky, because I am brewing within me a post about Why Supermarkets Are Bad, and I have taken the photographs and everything, but then I remembered it was Finished Object Friday, thank you Tami you have saved us all. So you have got a reprieve until next week when I may be able to treat the subject with more humour than just doing a rant about inadequate planning processes in the UK, although until then you can look at the Stop Sainsbury's On Mill Road song (Mill Road is the main street with independent shops in Cambridge) and tell me if you think it's going to bring down global capitalism. Anyway, who wants to read a rant about inadequate planning processes in the UK when they can look at a knitted item? Exactly.

Before I start, though, I think (serious face) we need to think briefly about what constitutes a Finished Object. Something that is ready to wear? Hmmm. Something that no longer has the needles in it? Hmmm. Something that is blocked and has all the ends woven in? Oh, ha ha ha ha ha. For the purposes of this post I would like to propose a new definition of a finished object, namely, an object might be classed as finished enough for FO Friday if the balls of wool are no longer attached. So I have snipped them off and photographed them, look, so that is proof.

Separate, discrete, severed ERGO item is finished and there is no argument. {Fingers in ears}

And now here is my FO.

There'll be no Second Mitten Syndrome and other effeteness in this house

You might feel those needles will cause problems when the mittens are being worn, I choose to see them as an additional feature

Pattern: garden gnome mittens, available here. I used KnitPicks Palette, and I do believe this is your cheapest option in terms of price per yard for stranded knitting, but they have come out quite large (I am a loose knitter, and used 2mm needles because I am just beyond hardcore,) so sock yarn might work a bit better. They will look much more even when they are blocked, but I have to say, I quite like them even at this point. I think I like following colourwork charts more than I like any other kind of knitting, and I wish I had realised you could knit stranded with two yarns in your right hand 5 years ago, as I would now have a stack of fairisle socks and mittens with mad things on them but never mind, onwards and upwards as they say and I hear a Steek calling me in the future. ‘Suuuuusie’ it whispers, seductively. ‘Do not be afraid. I am your path to Bohus jumpers. Heed my call’.

Although, as a brief break from stranded colourwork, this is what I am going to knit next. I have the yarn (again, thank God for KnitPicks! Cheaper than everywhere else!). I have printed out the pattern. But do I have the courage? We will have to see. If you wish to send vibes, they would be much appreciated. And if you wish to see more finished objects, some of which may not even still have the needles in them, get off to Tami's blog, where there will be a plethora!

Giveaway Winner and thoughts on food for free

Hasn’t it been an awful week for news? It just gets worse and worse. I would say, it makes me feel quite depressed, but that might be a bit self-indulgent and I imagine quite a lot of people in Norway feel a bit worse, so I won’t, but yes, what an awful week. Anyway, despite global awfulness, I have chosen (not me, the randomizer thingy) a number for my Spell Book Giveaway, and it is Comment Number Three, which, I believe, is Mumma Troll. Congrats, Mumma Troll! I shall email you your prize and I hope you enjoy it. Use your power wisely ;-).

As a black cat, I walk between the worlds. Also I stare at Susie with my yellow eyes when she walks home from Yoga and make her think that I suspect her down dog of being inadequate

I have booked to go on a herbalism guided walk in Milton Country Park (not till September) because it is an excellent bargain and also I am considering getting into foraging. If you are going to forage in Cambridge you have pretty much got to do it in Milton Country Park, because we are a city and there is not really much countryside, so I have been scouting possible opportunities while doing what we laughingly call ‘running’, and I have found quite a lot of blackberry bushes and apple trees. I am just concerned that when they are properly ripe in a few weeks suddenly lots of other opportunistic foragers will appear and I will be elbowing them out of the way. Perhaps I will do it by dead of night; but, that might risk me getting enmeshed with the local coven, as Milton Country Park is where they perform their rituals (as I say, it is our green space). The last thing anyone wants while they are casting a circle skyclad and invoking the four elements is me with a basket nudging them and saying, excuse me, could you just reach that branch for me as I would like some more blackberries to go in my pie, saucy wink. Anyway I have high hopes for the herbalism guided walk and perhaps less obvious plants will be pointed out to me for which I will have no competition in my foraging. Who knows? Have you ever tried foraging or getting food for free? (Not by shoplifting in Waitrose, obviously. By partaking of Nature’s Bounty in a wonderfully thrifty fashion!).

Normal for Norfolk

I am back from North Norfolk but fairly dopey, so I am closing my giveaway tomorrow because I don’t trust myself to be able to draw a number out of an electronic hat until another day has elapsed (I know that’s feeble). So if anyone wants to enter my giveaway for a spellbook you have 23 more hours (give or take) to do it! Hooray!

Have you ever noticed how bees have fuzzy white bottoms?

Has anyone ever been to North Norfolk? It is one and a half hours and a whole lifetime away from Cambridge. I love it, even though for some reason we kept getting caught up in tour buses of octogenarians and having to queue for cups of tea. Norfolk Lavender is apparently the place to be on a Wednesday as it does special meals for the Over 65s and let me tell you, there was so much demand, they couldn’t cope. It was like McDonalds on Oxford Street but with more bees. By the time we got to the front of the queue my mother had done a trenchant and fearless time-and-motion analysis of the queueing system and was about to submit a revised plan for maximising the efficiency of predicted footfall. Then she had a baguette and it took her mind off it.

Next time I am expecting Partner to find the lion lying down with the lamb

We saw wonders. This was in Houghton Hall. Partner appeared excitedly while I was looking at a plant, insisting he had seen water and fire together. Sometimes Partner is right in his interpretation of things he has seen, and sometimes he is not. However this time he was and I took a photograph to prove it.

Hmm, suddenly I feel the need to stock up on buckets and novelty tea towels

These cliffs had some Very Loud Birds nesting in them

This is Hunstanton. If you are coming to Cambridge as a tourist, I really would not, and I would go to Hunstanton instead as it is quite an experience and is a combination of kitsch and unspoilt. Also if you come to Cambridge as a tourist, be warned that on the evidence of what I saw earlier when I popped in for some potatoes, they seem to make you all wear matching shell suits in a fetching shade of grass green, I do not think that would add to your experience of walking round in a long tourist crocodile past the fascinating historical Boots and Accessorise and being unable to find a seat at Starbucks.

Please admire my restraint in not doing a Shop Local Boycott Tesco!!! post although I do feel one brewing

Samphire in Burnham Market. I spent the holiday explaining to my mother what samphire was but when I thought I had nailed it she would forget again and there we were, back at the beginning. For the uninitiated: samphire is some kind of a green vegetable which grows in the salt marshes, you have it in fairly small quantities (because it is salty) with fish. Our fishmonger sells it and it is cheap only he spells it ‘Samfa’ because presumably that is how you are supposed to pronounce it, I pronounce it though to rhyme with Vampire because that is how they say it on Hairy Bikers.

Here is the touristy bit: if you are in North Norfolk, you should go to Cley Next The Sea, because it is my favourite place and it is very pretty. They do tea in the old windmill, Partner says it is not as good as it used to be when it was in a different room but Partner always thinks things have gone off so don’t listen. There are very few shops but there is a bookshop so that keeps my dad happy. Also, as we were driving into Cley, we saw these alpacas being taken for a walk by a family with two teenage girls. Now, I do not have teenagers but I hear family holidays with them can sometimes be a challenge, so I pass on the information to you that the expression on these girls’ faces as they clutched their alpacas was pure joy. Pure joy. So my traveller’s tip is, if you find yourself on holiday near the salt marshes and perhaps there is a bit of an atmosphere – perhaps some in your party were expecting nightlife closer than in the next county, perhaps there have been arguments over how long to cook the samphire – sneak out of your holiday cottage, get out the hip flask, light up a fag, and ring the Norfolk Trekking Alpacas. ‘Harness up Machu and Pichu’ you can say, grimly. ‘Give Pedro a good brush. We’ll be there in half an hour with our chopped apples’. And all will be well.

Please Knit These Mittens For Me

Could you possibly say the title to yourself to the tune of, Save All These Kisses For Me? Thank you. That's very helpful.

Now, here's the thing. Since I started with the colourwork knitting thing I have this mad obsession for mittens. One of the things you do not realise if you are not a knitter is that there is this subculture of things which are popular to knit because either they are fun or showcase techniques or patterns etc (like lace shawls. Non-knitters, have you any idea how popular lace shawls are? Don't talk to me about neon or colourblocking or pencil skirts or whatever. Lace shawls are where it's at). Anyway, mittens appear to be another popular thing to knit and I love them. I favourite them, I queue them, I am never going to have time to knit them all, so I want to share some of the amazing mitten patterns I have found with you and then someone else might get the mitten-knitt'n (see what I did there?) bug and I can live vicariously through them. Look: it's mittens, not ketamine, I'm a good person.

This is a selection of my current favourite mitten patterns. Note: THESE ARE NOT MY MITTENS, I have not knitted them, the mitten designers have very kindly allowed me to use their photographs (if they were mine they would look a bit wonkier). I'll tell you where they come from so you can download the pattern if you want to. Also, it occurs to me that I've mostly picked pay-for patterns, I went on Mittens I Think Are Cool At This Moment, but there are also lots of free ones out there - can I point you towards Mystery + Manners by Spillyjane, for example? Or these free Cthulu mittens which are on my list to knit next?

Skulls & Flowers Mittens, by Jennifer Thompson

OK. Now, I am on my third pair of mittens and that makes me an expert, so I am going to give you some Mitten Knitt'n Tips. Firstly, the easiest kind of colourwork chart to knit is one that has repeats, like the delightful Skulls & Flowers mitten above, because this also makes it easier to see if you have gone wrong and then you don't have to undo as much and swear. However, look at that cuff: three colours in a row. Ladies, this is the PhD, the zenith, the Nobel Peace Prize of colour knitting, and I think these mittens would be an excellent way to learn three colours in a row. You are only having to do it on the cuff, it looks very effective so that would motivate you, and also there is a special two-colour-cuff option for if you are a big girl's blouse. Look at Jennifer's Unalakleet as well, isn't this beautiful? I wish I had more hands.

Kaleidoscope Mittens by Meghan Jones

Aaaah, these Kaleidoscope Mittens I love. This is colourwork for those of you (do you exist? says she, imperiously) who don't like stranded colourwork, as I strongly suspect those honeycombey sections to be done with a slip stitch technique which is straightforward. These are made with KnitPicks Chroma which we can't get in the UK but you could sub with Mini Mochi or something like that. I like the idea of knitting everyone in the family matching bright mittens like this and making them wear them when they go out together. Those of you who are my vintage may remember Howard and Hilda in Ever Decreasing Circles, well I think we have had enough of Audrey Hepburn as a style icon, yawn, and should look further afield. (Not Richard Briars though as I find him sinister).

Top Mittens Evah. Hippocampus by Torirot Design

These are Hippocampus, The Mittens Which Made Me Learn Colourwork. I have knitted one and the pattern works and is easy to follow, unfortunately my mitten looked like an alien not a seahorse due to my appalling colour choices, if you use nice colours which go together these mittens will look lovely. I love the lace cuff particularly, also note the tasteful use of 2 contrast colour-changing yarns, this is Kauni Effektgarn, which you can get here and is not too dear so I just pass on that information. This is a free pattern too, yay, thank you Torirot Design (look at her other patterns too - I also like the crochet/ knit cowl).

Deep In The Forest Mittens by Tuulia Salmela

How cool are these Deep In The Forest Mittens, hey hey? We are now entering the realms of complicated pictorial charts with no repeats, and, I will not lie to you, you will not be able to knit these very quickly as you will be glued to the chart. However, this is not necessarily a bad thing, you may really enjoy it. I find I (despite having no patience) love a really, really complex colourwork chart, I sit there knitting away crossing rows I have done off with my biro, and having an excuse to not listen to Partner's artless chatter. These mittens have a braided cuff which is also a technique I want to learn, and I think the idea of trees against a winter sky is just fabulous. If you look at the project page as well, there are some really interesting interpretations, with graduated-coloured backgrounds.

Kissing Koi Mittens by Lisa Perusse

Koi fish! Kissing! I am increasingly suspecting this is the closest I am going to get to a tattoo. I love these mittens and I have some yarn that would work for them, bites lip. I think the cuff is kind of turned under and knitted up, so that would be yet another mitten technique I could learn and possible justification for starting these lovely mittens.

Sluggish Mushrooms by Jessica Fielder

I am loving these Sluggish Mushrooms ones too because they are so unusual, and because the picture works so well with the shape of the mittens. I have not shown these to Partner but he would like them very much. After I cocked up the seahorse mittens with my mad colour choices, Partner has appointed himself Stranded Knitting Colour Consultant despite being very colourblind and also (says she tactfully) having Very Different Taste To Me. Anyway Partner has suggested all colourwork should be done in black and white 'like those charts you print out' so the combination of proper colour choices and a slug would pretty much finish him off.

Owlie Owl Mittens by Betsy Farquhar

Look, everyone loves owls, and you will be excited to learn that you can also have these Owls on an Owlie Owl Cowl. I am unable to resist this designer's patterns and am currently knitting her gnome mittens, I can say to you truthfully it is the most fun I have ever had with double pointed needles in my hands, if she has turned me into a process knitter I shall be cross and may sue. (Joking). Look at her pillow patterns as well, lovely. I looked very carefully to see if that was woodchip on the wall in the above photograph but sadly I must conclude it isn't and that I remain alone in my affliction.

Does anyone have any mitten patterns they want to share? (They don't have to be colourwork). Because, you know, I don't have enough on my list. Bring them on!

The Friday Interview: Niccy from Scrapunzel Pixie

OK, I have another interview, you see, I am back on track with the Friday interviews although I will not be on track next week as I will be in Norfolk which, for those of you who have read Vivianne’s robust opinions in the comments here, is a more extreme version of Fenland. Anyway, enough about me, says she modestly. Today’s interview is with Niccy from Scrapunzel Pixie, who makes beautiful reconstructed clothes, pretty brooches, armwarmers and purses. I am pretty much in love with Niccy’s fairy coats, I think they are beautiful (indeed I love all her stuff, so much in fact I've just bought a jumper, oops). Also, she has 30% off in her shop at the moment as part of etsy’s Christmas In July promotion, so everything is amazing value, go and stock up on your armwarmers now. It won’t be July forever, you know. It’ll be getting nippy soon, you’ll be wanting a lovely reconstructed jumper.

Take it away, Niccy!

Niccy, hard at work. I am encouraged to see a rainbow mug encouraging proper colour combining

What of the things you make are you most excited by?
I love all the things I make but custom orders really are great! Making an individual item for someone is always very exciting. Quite often, people will ask for something I might not have considered so the end result is perfectly individual and that kind of collaboration feels very special. I also love the challenge of creating something new - learning a brand new process can be a tad frustrating (because I never use commercial patterns of read instructions) but that feeling of 'Yes! Sussed it!' is always rewarding.

Brooches. Adorable

How important is being green in what you do?
Very! About 1 million tonnes of textiles goes to landfill every year, 50% of which is recyclable  - those are scary figures! When I first learned how much is regularly thrown away I was shocked and horrified, then I decided I wanted to do something about it. Scrapunzel's just one girl with a sewing machine, but more and more people are beginning to see the beauty in recycled clothes. I take a special delight in making something pretty or useful out of what might otherwise have been rubbish - one girl's junk is another girl's joy!
Charity shops are like treasure troves for me - I can easily spend hours and hours just looking and whenever I visit a new town the charity shops are always the first thing I want to look at! I do have to be a little bit strict with myself, otherwise I'd probably buy more than I can carry!

Do you have a target customer/muse in mind when you make your clothes?
Not really. My customer base is so wide-ranging it's practically impossible to name a demographic! There are dreadlocked mamas, students and grandmothers proudly wearing their Forest Fae jumpers. [And now me! ;-)]. I've had enquiries for coats for the 3 Wishes Faery Festival and I've just made a coat for someone to wear to Whitby Goth Weekend in November so maybe anyone 'alternative' or green-minded. Perhaps it's because patchwork is part of such a long-standing tradition or maybe it's just that people like to be individual. My proudest moment happened when James Strawbridge (of BBC's It's Not Easy Being Green) bought a pair of wrist-warmers for his mum - I was star-struck for days!!
My muse is ever-changing - I love Victorian-style tailoring and I'm always influenced by the costumes I see in films and magazines. As a Star Wars geek, I'm quite keen to make something inspired by Princess Leia or Queen Amidala's wardrobe - maybe something with a crazy head-dress! But I can be just as inspired by someone who passes me in the street; so many people have such a unique way of combining styles and colours.

Look at that, wow. What a kerfuffle this would cause if I wore it to Waitrose

Your elf coats are absolutely stunning. What's the process of making one, and how long does it take?
Thank you! It's quite an involved process - I scour charity shops for just the right kind of materials, wash and dry them all and then I spend a bit of time familiarizing myself with the fabrics - checking for stretch and weight and then I start cutting! Because I never use a pattern, the individuality of the materials often dictates certain features so the method varies from coat to coat which is part of the joy of making them! Everyday in my workshop is an adventure! The time-scale can differ quite wildly, too - if it all goes well without any hiccups and I don't have any interruptions, I can make a coat in about a day (excluding the time to source the materials and prepare them), but a larger or more intricate coat will take longer. I also finish all my seams by hand, which takes an absolute age but it reassures me that those seams are there to stay!

How do you feel about the way commercial fashion is produced?
Hmm, this is a tricky one! I love clothes; it's almost magical the way the right clothes can completely change the way you look, feel and are perceived by other people. But I really don't like the way clothes are produced and sold. Should I give a rant warning here? At it's very worst, I think the fashion industry is highly exploitative on almost every level: the underpaid, unprotected people (often women) on the production line; the models who have to maintain a certain shape/appearance at all costs; and the women who are manipulated by advertisers and magazines into purchasing.
And some of the practices of High Street stores are truly shocking; I've heard that damaged items (even if the damage is minimal, eg, a garment has a poorly sewn-in label or is wrongly sized) are often simply thrown into skips and disposed of. Okay, rant over!
[Niccy, rants are welcome on this blog, in fact I’m always glad when someone other than me has a rant ;-)].

I think the more rainbow things in life, the better. This one is my favourite

I love your blog project, 52 ways to leave your high street retailer. What inspired it?
See above, ha ha! In all seriousness, my inspiration is quite entirely selfish - I need more clothes! Because I make clothes everyone thinks my wardrobe must be absolutely bulging but it really isn't - I'm always making something for someone else! Deciding to make rather than buy is probably a bit militant but the idea of purchasing from the high street just doesn't feel right. And the best thing about sharing it on a blog is that other people can join in if they want to - I'd love to hear how they get on! And perhaps I can finally learn how to follow patterns! Eeek, I'm a bit trepidatious now!

What are your upcoming plans for your lovely shop?
I've just bought some fabric labels with my brand new logo on them - stitching them into place puts a big smile on my face! Etsy do a 'Christmas in July' promotion each summer and I'm taking part this year. There's some new purses and wristlets in my shop too (and some surprising new items to come soon!).
Most excitingly, I've been working on a new development for my Faery Coats so I'll be launching that very soon!

************************

Thank you for this, Niccy, your interview was great and I completely agree with you on the hating the fashion industry but loving the clothes bit. I wish you the best of luck with your shop, and (gets on soapbox briefly), I just think it’s wonderful that there are more people making alternative, recycled clothes for a range of sizes, and that non-high-street fashion is becoming more accessible. I find it very cheering.

OK, have a lovely weekend everyone (that’s an order). I shall hopefully see you all on Monday xx

I struck the board and cried, we must have a giveaway

OK, don't say I never do anything for you (joke), because, I have a giveaway! And it's not only the gift of not boring you with what I think about the whole News International scandal (I think it was all orchestrated by a furious Vince Cable. Partner says if Vince Cable had that much cunning we might have noticed it in other contexts, I say he's cutting his teeth on this and next he's going to bring down David Cameron and make the World Cup be in England or something. Anyway I'm not boring you with this). Nor is it the gift of not telling you about how my overlocker hates me (but if anyone living in East Anglia wants to call round and kick it for me then you're very welcome and I'll give you a cup of tea and a biscuit. For those of you in Chatteris, do feel free to bring the shared donkey, we'll tether him to the fence. Vivianne you are very bad).

Image from The Spellcasting Picture Book

You can read here where I did an interview with Diana from Magickal Realism, who makes beautiful and unusual perfumes, and also wrote the Spellcasting Picture Book, of which I bought the first edition.

I don't know how often Mercury goes retrograde but this happens to me most Mondays

Now, I am going to say this carefully and at the risk of alienating everyone, but: with regards to paganism, hedgewitchery and everything, I have read a great many books, and I have to say to you that in this respect the devil does not have all the best tunes. No. Indeed I sometimes think that a prerequisite for being interested in modern paganism is the complete inability to write good poetry. I have read some things and thought, we have a centuries-long tradition of fine devotional verse and here is this author wibbling on about lovely lovely trees or whatever in a line which does not scan and ends with a rhyme worthy of McGonagall, how is this honouring the Goddess because I imagine she is cringing and opening a bottle of Merlot (on the astral plane) just like I am. Anyway I only say this to you because Diana's spell book is NOT LIKE THAT, it is very different, I think it is excellent and punchy and with spells which feel like they have power. If you like spell books, have a passing interest in modern paganism, or the power of words, or just want to have a look, then I have one PDF copy of the new, expanded, revised edition to give away! If you leave me a comment at the end of this post saying you want to be in the giveaway I will enter you in the draw, as it were, and get the computer to pick a number at the end of next week (24th July?) after which I will email the book to the winner (so could you make sure you leave a link to your blog or your email or give me some way to contact you). If you can't wait, though, here's how you can get hold of the book – it's available on Kindle and Nook (I don't know what Nook is but I presume if you've got one/ it, then you do ;-) ).

Grounding. More difficult than it looks

Also on this subject, my mother is thinking of getting a Kindle, which will be a technological leap on the level of the moon landings. If anyone has any thoughts as to whether my mother is likely to like having a Kindle or not, could you share them, as if she spends money on it and then decides the money might better have been spent on a handbag we will never hear the end of it. And, do check back tomorrow as I have an interview with Niccy from Scrapunzel Pixie, and she is a woman who I suspect can thread her overlocker without having to get Pat from the shop to do it, so I shall be looking and learning ;-). À demain.