Thursday, 16 December 2010

The ugliest knitted item(s) in the world

I have knitted something so ugly that I actually don’t know what to say about it. I’m just going to present it to you wordlessly. Make sure you’re sitting down.
The quality of that seaming is why I am so fond of the top-down raglan
It’s a slipper! I’m wearing them!
The high heel he used to be has been ground down/ And he listens for the footsteps that would follow him around
I styled them with handmade woolly socks in a clashing colour for extra oomph. I think what makes them even more alluring is how I’ve seamed them really badly and used random colours which don’t go together. I actually think that was a master stroke. Move over, Missoni.

If you want to make a pair of similar slippers – although I think you’ll agree that they can’t ever be quite like mine – the pattern is here. They’re terribly warm and comfortable, and to be fair there are some quite attractive versions on Ravelry. There’s something they’ve forgotten to add to the pattern, though. They need to just add a line at the beginning that says ‘Only make these slippers if you’re either happily single FOREVER or in a relationship of more than 10 years’ standing where you are mutually trapped by living in an area so expensive neither of you could ever get a mortgage on your own. Because no-one who has ever seen you in these slippers could ever imagine you in an erotic context again’.

7 comments:

Mumma Troll said...

LOOOOOOOOOOOOl, I only saw the top picture and I thought you had knitted yourself some oddly shaped knickers.xxx

Denise said...

Very cute. I'm picturing you wearing a ratty old housecoat with your hair up in curlers.

I thought the first picture was strange underwear without a waste.

Moomin Mamma said...

HAHAHA I love that I'm not the only one who thought it was undies!

I want a pair, I bet they would be awesome for sliding across my laminate floor!

Mumma Troll said...

Oh no woolie wedgie, that might need some surgery,lol. Oh you mean sliding on your feet, doh!

Marushka C. said...

I can only hope you have flannel pajamas that are 3 sizes too big to go with those slippers. Preferably ones where the buttons no longer match and the hems are coming loose.

Susie said...

I was worried I might post these and people might say 'ooh no they're not that bad'. So my faith in everyone's good taste is reaffirmed. :-). I wear them with velour tracky bottoms from Primark. I look just like that sounds.

(And if you go near anything slippy you do the splits, I spilt some water in the kitchen and nearly broke my neck).

Vivianne said...

Are they really warm ? Slippers like these always look like they let the coldness of the floor seep in ....