Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Newsflash. I have found a book that is worse than Twilight. No, really

I am commuting to London for a few weeks (hopefully back and blogging next week), and therefore now I am a sophisticated metropolitan. I stride on to the train in the mornings with my small cappuccino and croissant and I do the Guardian crossword (not the hard one), also I have worked out the best place to stand on the tube and I run up the escalator looking purposeful and tutting. However: I forsook the Guardian crossword on Monday and succumbed to something shameful.
People, don't do it, however bad things may seem and whatever your Inner Goddess says. She's written two more, you know. Someone stop her
Yes, I kind of hate myself. Does this mark a low point? Who wants to take advantage of my questionable emotional state to send me a first edition of Thomas Hardy and a contract wherein I may wish to specify in long boring legally unenforceable detail my feelings vis-à-vis caning? Only I have to warn you that I would put the Thomas Hardy straight up on ebay, and I am fairly sure I have not emitted an aura of innocent sensuality since about 1992, if then. Perhaps I'm confusing it with the CK1.

I have finished it, it was quick but unspeakable, I have given it away, we will never refer to it again, and I will just warn you that if you read it on the train people do look at you, especially if you actually cringe with your entire body and go 'uggghhh' every time she refers to her inner goddess. Sorry, man who sat next to me on the train from Kings Cross yesterday, I could tell you were nervous and I was not sure if it was the book or the glittery cupcake. It did kind of go everywhere, didn’t it? Glitter hangs around, as well, doesn’t it? Never mind. You be careful and sit next to someone reading the Telegraph next time.

11 comments:

Julia said...

I saw the title of this post and knew exactly what was coming!! lol

Gracey is not my name.... said...

Mr too! I read a blurb on it awhile ago and was like Ugh..so not for me...

But I did just finish Confessions of a Prairie Bitch: How I Survived Nellie Oleson and Learned to Love Being Hated...Don't know if you guys had Little House on the Prairie, but it's from the actress who played Nellie..

Gracey is not my name.... said...

Sorry...me too...I knew what was coming...

Pearly Queen said...

You mean this is not the new Farrow and Ball shadecard...?

Vivianne said...

LOL I was wondering whether to bother, as it's the dernier cri - thanks for saving me time :-)

Nana Go-Go said...

I downloaded it on to my Kindle at the insistence of the younger folk in my life and it nearly melted it!I didn't stick it out to the end though because it's so badly written. Thank goodness I don't feel inclined to read the other two.

omlair said...

haha gold! I didn't actually know much about that book, but had it queued. maybe i will un-queue it now, as there is no way in hell i would even read twilight

Ros Made Me said...

Thanks for the warning... I think it might be the equivalent of Shirley Conran's Lace back in the 80s... I did consider buying it but would you think it bad of me if I spent the money on wool or fabric instead?

kristieinbc said...

I hadn't heard of this book until someone wrote about it on their Facebook wall last week. What they wrote was enough to keep me from adding it to my Kindle, but thanks for reinforcing that warning! By the way - that is one of the advantages of a Kindle - nobody knows what you are reading!

Josie said...

Did you know that book actually started out as "Twilight" fanfic? Explains so much, doesn't it?

Louise said...

I refused to even consider reading it (even though I have nothing against erotica per se) as soon as I found out it started life as a Twilight fanfic called 'Master of the Universe'. Um, no. Just... no.

I will, however, happily read your book once you work out how to put it on t'internets, as you are a very amusing person and 'not depressing' is always a good thing in a book.