I’m too sexy for my pants

OK. Now very, very sadly, I’ve misplaced my camera under the morass that is the craft room today so I’m going to have to wait until it re-emerges to photograph these for you. However... I’ve spent today working on developing my Pants Pattern (this is pants in the UK sense, I never thought quite how parochial my English was until I started this blog!). And… I have pants! They are well sewn and they will last. Indeed, I think those pants will outlive me. They are comfortable (I am wearing them now!). They are made of nice warm cotton jersey. When you put them on they look really quite cool in a retro 40s/ boy-shorts kind of way. I am going to make lots and tie-dye them and take them to the craft fair I am doing in September. All I need to do is grade the pattern (I say that as if I knew how to do it.) Hooray! Pants Success! However, I have a terrible problem.

When the Pants are on a person, they look cool. When they are not on a person, however, they look like a truss. They look like the kind of pants that Hattie Jacques would have worn in Carry on Camping. I wanted Brigitte Bardot: I have got Olive from On The Buses. How am I going to bring out the full retro ironic coolness of my Pants In Action when spread out on the table they will look like Support Pants of the kind that come in those free catalogues in Sunday supplements, along with fleece-lined unislippers and bra extenders? My clothes dummy hasn’t got legs. I am very seriously considering wearing a pair of the Pants over tights, like wonder woman, to show them off (I see this in Vogue occasionally, honestly I do, I think it is a fashion staple, so perhaps people will think I am really directional and not mad?). Oh God. Perhaps I am just no good at attractive underwear? Perhaps I have a mental block? Damn all that reading of Andrea Dworkin books at a formative age!

Underwear design. Harder than it looks. Walking away now. (Albeit in a way that indicates the wearing of Good Strong Supportive Pants.)