Tuesday, 3 August 2010

I’m too sexy for my pants

OK. Now very, very sadly, I’ve misplaced my camera under the morass that is the craft room today so I’m going to have to wait until it re-emerges to photograph these for you. However... I’ve spent today working on developing my Pants Pattern (this is pants in the UK sense, I never thought quite how parochial my English was until I started this blog!). And… I have pants! They are well sewn and they will last. Indeed, I think those pants will outlive me. They are comfortable (I am wearing them now!). They are made of nice warm cotton jersey. When you put them on they look really quite cool in a retro 40s/ boy-shorts kind of way. I am going to make lots and tie-dye them and take them to the craft fair I am doing in September. All I need to do is grade the pattern (I say that as if I knew how to do it.) Hooray! Pants Success! However, I have a terrible problem.

When the Pants are on a person, they look cool. When they are not on a person, however, they look like a truss. They look like the kind of pants that Hattie Jacques would have worn in Carry on Camping. I wanted Brigitte Bardot: I have got Olive from On The Buses. How am I going to bring out the full retro ironic coolness of my Pants In Action when spread out on the table they will look like Support Pants of the kind that come in those free catalogues in Sunday supplements, along with fleece-lined unislippers and bra extenders? My clothes dummy hasn’t got legs. I am very seriously considering wearing a pair of the Pants over tights, like wonder woman, to show them off (I see this in Vogue occasionally, honestly I do, I think it is a fashion staple, so perhaps people will think I am really directional and not mad?). Oh God. Perhaps I am just no good at attractive underwear? Perhaps I have a mental block? Damn all that reading of Andrea Dworkin books at a formative age!

Underwear design. Harder than it looks. Walking away now. (Albeit in a way that indicates the wearing of Good Strong Supportive Pants.)


resa said...

Obviously modeling them like Wonder Woman is a must. I'm not saying that just because it makes me giggle. Really.

But if it's any consolation, I've learned as a compulsive underpants buyer that the boy-short style always looks a little frumpy not on a body, no matter how cute the print or embellishments. They're still the best ever.

Susie said...

I could have a shiny cape! Oh, but what would my super power be? I will have to think. The ability to make cake disappear with the speed of light perhaps, sadly.

(Thank you, I am glad you think it is just a frumpy-looking style. They are indeed very comfy.)

West/CJ said...

If you do the Wonder Woman modelling, I wanna see pictures!

I'm really impressed you made your own pants. I've never met anyone who does that (English pants, not American pants. I know plenty of people who make American pants. Now I'm trying to remember what you guys call American pants...) Anyways, I'm glad they are comfortable, even if they look frumpy on your mannequin.

soph said...

this post made me laugh (i found it googling 40s bra patterns btw). could you not get a stunt bum? when i worked in a bra shop we had display busts, just see-through plastic things, quite cheap. you must be able to get something similar for pants :)

Susie said...

American pants = trousers. ;-)

The thought of googling stunt bum has defeated me, but this is an excellent idea - I will have a look round!


Absinthe Fairy said...

I think a stunt bum is the perfect answer, you know everyone who is anyone in Hollywood has a body double for when they just can't be arsed (pun intended) to stand around and be photographed.

Grab some skinny minny from your local college and bribe her with alco-pop drinkies to stand around proclaiming "I'm a real model me" - and stunt bottom sorted, pants modelled - viola!

Susie said...

Oh my god, Laughing Out Loud. No sadly I think I'm anxious enough about this craft show without getting some young innocent* drunk as well. What if she ran amok? Bringing my pants into disrepute? O_O

* Possibly not as innocent as me, actually O_O again

Silver said...

Wait ... What are English pants, then?

And every single time I design my own pattern for anything to be worn on a human body, it looks like a sack on the hanger (or on the table or floor ;)) and great on the person. It's ... kind of amazing. ;)

Silver said...

Oh, pants = underwear! As in, underpants. Right? ;D