Sunday, 27 May 2012

I could get a piece of meat/ from a barren tree. Nothing ever spoiled on me

I have got a confession for you. I do not like gardening. There. I said it. It is like housework but with grass and I do not like housework, either. It is obviously very ironic, then, that we have a ridiculously large garden (ridiculously large for Cambridge, not for the rest of the world,) and if I am completely honest I sometimes have fantasies about selling it to a property developer. In fact, I have worked out where the paths would go and everything. I appreciate that this confession will now lead to my blacklisting and everybody unsubscribing from my blog but I think it is best that you know the truth. I don’t like it.

Strangely enough, though, the moment I admitted to myself that I really don’t like all the boring bits and decided instead to concentrate on the bits I might conceivably find more interesting – i.e. growing flowers and possibly dinner, rather than Strimming Edges and engaging with Weed Suppressant Membrane – all my plants started growing better. It was as if they had had a conference together and decided to reward my self-awareness. You see, this is why plants make me nervous. They have minds of their own.
I have actually watched Black Squirrel dig in these pots, there are literally no words for how bad that animal is. The spiky thing in the middle is a particularly naughty weed
The ones with actual flowers on are stocks. I bought them from Homebase, put them in a pot and did not kill them. This is an achievement for me on a par with, well, it is an achievement so great I have no parallel with which to illustrate it for you. And the straggly green crappy things are going to be Marigolds (not the gloves) which I have nurtured on the windowsill, drumroll, from seed. From seed! But this is my best one ever:
As God is my witness, I shall never go short of Saag Aloo again. So long as I don't run out of potatoes
Spinach. I put soil in a planter, I planted seeds straight in it, I waited an entire month for them to grow, and the day before I had decided to upend the planter and use it for something else I had green shoots and did a victory dance right in the teeth of the competent gardener next door. And look at it now! I pick bits! I eat bits! Everyone round mine come the zombie apocalypse! I have gone wild today and planted tomato plants in a gro-bag (apparently they come in different varieties and the woman on the market thinks you should have an opinion re which one you want. Who knew?*) and Oriental Salad Leaves. Who knows what will happen? I feel like Alan Titchmarsh. You leave my seedlings alone, bold hairy ginger cat from the house behind. My eye, it is upon you.

*Cambridge people, stall opposite M&S, 3 for £4, bargain.

(The title is from a Kristin Hersh song. I am showing my age. Also it is ironic I am thinking of this song because I am thinking of going vegetarian again. Yes. Bring on the tofu and the nutritional yeast, I think I'm woman enough).


Anonymous said...

Do not fear- you are not alone. I don't like gardening, either. Although I love gardens, I much prefer someone else do the work.

I recognized the title of your post. I am a Kristin Hersh fan myself. And like you, I am seriously considering becoming a vegetarian again. I've already started to replace several meals a week with vegetarian versions, and just this morning stocked up on tofu.

The Foggy Knitter said...

If it doubt call it a wildlife garden. Your spinach is much more impressive than anything I've ever managed to achieve.

Also try nasturtiums, they practically grown themselves and have loads of bright cheery flowers. We haven't even had to plant any this year, they've just turned up by themselves.

Sharripie said...

I know you don't have to work hard for cats to find you, but the way we kept the squirrels out of our garden (they liked to take one bite from each of our tomatoes) was to plant catnip and let the cats hang out there. We had to put chicken wire around each of the catnip plants to keep the furry junkies from eating them right down to the soil, but they were able to have the leaves as they grew through the wire. I always found it fun to watch the angry squirrels bark at the stoned cats chilling out between the rows of veg.

kristieinbc said...

There is gardening and there is yard work. Your thrill at growing your own spinach is gardening. Having grass to cut and weeds to pull is yard work. It is okay to love one and hate the other. :-)