Wednesday, 30 May 2012

Episode of blonde

OK, ladies, Aunty Kath who objects to the term ladies even though it is ironic, and Dan. I am having a truly, truly rotten week with my Situation, and also I have sprained my finger pole dancing (I do a routine!) and it has swollen up. And I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there was talk last night of some students possibly doing ‘a bit of a routine’ at the carnival next year, although as it stands all everyone would hear would be the squeak of my inner thighs sliding down the pole and that is not elegant. I need your advice. But first, in the spirit of sharing things that do not go well, as well as things that do, I am going to show you my first portrait in oils, completed today. It is unspeakable. Let this be an inspiration to all future portrait painters that when your first portrait in oils looks like Mr Potato Head you should not necessarily just give up and put all your paints in the bin, because I am sure my next one will be better.
Oh good Lord. Perhaps I should start with less complex living things, perhaps those guinea pigs who are hairy and look the same at both ends
You see peppers, I could do. People, they are more complicated (this is based on a Rembrandt sketch but you wouldn’t know it!). When we lined them all up at the end you have never seen such a rogue’s gallery. We could not discuss the finer points of the brushwork because we were laughing so hard, gosh they were terrible. The words ‘Colonel Gadaffi’ may have been spoken about mine but that is a rumour I will not confirm. I was not going to go to art class because I was quite miserable about my situation, but the tarot cards (I know I sound mad. I’m actually quite nice) were quite definite that I should, and they were right, because all we did was laugh and it was cheering. Also I learned a lot, so it was worth creating something a bit daft. Painting, u r difficult (a bit).

OK. Now here’s the bit I want your advice on. This is a recent picture of me, and my hair is still like this pretty much:
Happy! Terrible Rembrandt Homages still unthought of!
Now I want to go peroxide blonde. I have made an appointment for next week, I have had a consultation and the hairdresser says it will look ‘very cool’. I want to go blonde like this:
I know what this model would say to anyone who tried to put her in a situation like mine. She would say, stick your malicious vexatious lawsuit right up your bum. Can you look as good as me in red lipstick? Thought not
And although I don’t look like this model obvs, I promise if I had peroxide blonde hair I would sort out my eyebrows so I don’t look like Alastair Darling, and I will wear eye makeup (occasionally) so that it looks cool. In other words, I will dress it up. It will look fine. Won’t it? What do you think? Peroxide blonde or die (dye) and have a change and a new lease of life, or stay mousy and a bit fed up? (This isn’t a response to the miserable situation – I had rung the hairdresser before things got bad). I don’t want highlights, and I don’t want to look subtle – I want peroxide blonde or nothing. I want to look like Blondie! I want a new image! Tell me this isn’t a mistake! Partner is just about on the verge of locking me in the cupboard to stop any attempts at self-definition, because his taste in female adornment frankly makes the Amish look a bit racy, but I am fine. Because none of cupboards have locks and TBH since all the rain most of them don’t shut properly.

What do you think?

15 comments:

Alittlebitsheepish said...

See, I read that line as peepers I can do, and I have to say I agreed, they are good painted peepers.

As for the blonde, I say go for it. If you hate it you can always overdye it. I am trying to say yes to more things, not everything, but some of the opportunities and what not. You can inspire me with a photo of your new Blondie style

Alittlebitsheepish said...

See, I read that line as peepers I can do, and I have to say I agreed, they are good painted peepers.

As for the blonde, I say go for it. If you hate it you can always overdye it. I am trying to say yes to more things, not everything, but some of the opportunities and what not. You can inspire me with a photo of your new Blondie style

Julia said...

Go for it!! It's just hair, it grows out. And your hair is something you can and should really do to suit YOU. I am supportive. Partner will learn to love (or accept) it, and if not, pfft. It grows out.

Sarah said...

Go for it! And if it goes goldfish orange like mine did when I did it myself once upon a time - go for it more!

Grateful4Crochet said...

I also think go for it!!

I have recently gone rather short, shockingly blonde (well shocking for me at least) after years of having long brown hair, and I am really liking it. I have also found that I have gone from doing absolutely nothing bar brushing my hair for many years, that I am actually styling my hair and taking time to decorate myself.
Good luck with it of you do decide to go for it- I am sure it will look brilliantly amazing!

omlair said...

I think go for it. It is only hair and can always be changed again!

Anonymous said...

Go for it, I think it would suit you. Just make sure you don't change too much else about your self, or people won't recognise you!

Jacqueline

henny designs said...

Absolutely flippin go for it, it'll look fabulous and make you do daring things that you've never done before which will be utterly liberating!
Love Henny x

Josie said...

I'm with the others- go for it. As was pointed out, you can always over-dye it if you don't like it in the end.

Anonymous said...

I can see why you are wondering about going blond being a good idea but you seem to know the pitfalls. It really does look good on some people and you might just be one of them. If you don't do it, you will never know. If you do and it is hideous, you can colour it back so no one will ever know (you can wear a hat on your outing back again).

So yes, I say go for it.

Magpie Mimi said...

I think it will do you the world of good to dye your hair, sounds like you need to be a bit kick ass at the moment and the hair will probably make you do it! Have fun, it's only hair!

ronniemama said...

The hair on your portrait looks very life like - you have captured the sense of texture very well! This is an omen and means you should go ahead and become a peroxide blonde. It will suit you and if you decide you don't like it, then at least it's not hard to go back to being brown!

Wool Free and Lovin' Knit said...

Going blonde is not the issue -- staying blonde is -- are you prepared to have the roots done every 2 weeks? Given that you have dark roots this will be necessary and thus I say that if you are going to take the leap, just make sure you can afford to keep it up. Personally I can't so I stay with subtle highlights so that I can go 6 weeks between payments to the hairdresser!

Susie said...

Thank you everyone for encouragement and for putting a voice to my ambivalence! ;-). I am going to go for it. My appointment is tomorrow at 9am and I am VERY, VERY SCARED.

Wool Free, I can't afford to have the roots done very often, you are right this might be an issue! However I actually don't mind the look of dark roots with very blonde hair, I think it looks quite cool, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it...

I have had my eyebrows threaded in anticipation. £3.50, hurt like a mofo, I had forgotten!

I am going life drawing tomorrow night, so hopefully that will guarantee all eyes are not on me and will give me time to get used to it!

Roobeedoo said...

The good news is: once you go peroxide blonde you have the necessary blank canvas for any other shade you may wish to go - I vote for turquoise! ;)