Taking photographs is more difficult than it looks

Now, before we start tonight's post, I want you to understand, very specifically, that in real life I am not particularly unattractive. I look perfectly normal. Children do not see me and cry. Small puppies do not whimper and shrink away. Now, having got that out of the way, I am going to show you quite how unphotogenic I am. Partner took these photos, and he was fine. I had to explain what a digital camera was (Partner is an Academic Medieval Latinist) and he was momentarily distracted by fascination with the viewfinder, but I can honestly say that, given the material he was working with, he carried out his part with aplomb. I was trying to model a bag. When I next do this I will wear make up. However, clearly I subconsciously thought that my natural beauty and grace would carry me through. It didn't. This was our first attempt.

I am a zombie cult member. Would you like to join us? We're a friendly bunch. Our belief system is based around patchwork bags. Come, come and join our cult. Well, clearly this wasn't going to be any good. Even Partner, who is used to my not looking good on photographs, thought this was going it a bit. 'Why don't you try not smiling?' he said, tactfully. That seems like a good idea, we thought, taking our positions once more.

Dear Lord. Is the world too much for me? Have I been exhumed and propped against a door for the purposes of bag modeling? Am I weighed down by ennui and lassitude and a strange light effect that makes me look as if I have one black eye? Oh, hypocrite lecteur, mon semblable, mon frère! Would you buy a bag from this woman?

I would like now to show you a photograph where I suddenly realised how to pose and look bright-eyed and happy (but NOT MAD), and a stylish backdrop to the bag. I cannot do so, however. Because one does not exist. We had more success when we took me sideways from an angle but, I think the euphemism is, there is work still to do. Models. They earn their money. I will persevere though. I know now why I see so many things on etsy being modeled by people wearing masks, and I'll never tut and mutter 'ooh those ironic hipsters' again.