Mum's blog: Foster Dog, bats, and eating from silver platters

You will be pleased to know that my mother managed to get near the bloody buggering computer (although blogger stymied me a bit yesterday. Blogger! Seriously! Get your act together!) and has emailed me her blog post, so here it is, once again giving Alan Bennett a run for his money. I am a little concerned that my mother seems to be getting into her stride, who knows what skeletons will start to come tumbling out of closets in future installments {Susie goes off to develop contributing writer editorial policy}. Those of you reading today’s installment may be concerned about the cat next door losing his cat food, so, for those of you, I would like to reassure you that I have made the acquaintance of Casper and I am confident that he will be able to live off his fat for the time it takes his owner to open a fresh tin of Whiskas.

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NEWS FROM THE NORTH

Is it or isn’t it? Yes it is, it’s bat droppings, they’re back again. Foster dog and I stand side by side watching from the study window as they swoop cheekily across the front lawn, laughing at us in their high pitched screech because they know the house belongs to them and they are back to claim it. The skylark has also returned to the field  at the end of the garden and every evening its singing can be heard beautiful and pure, unfortunately we are denied the enjoyment of sitting outside in this idyll because Foster dog keeps escaping down the lane and eating our next door neighbours’ cat food. We owe them three tins of tuna fish already and he’s also been seen eyeing up their collection of exotic lizards.

Foster dog. He looks innocent, but...

I‘m not  much of a gardener, it’s too much like hard work for my liking (like mother like daughter I suspect) but last year I decided to make the effort and rescued a very sad gooseberry bush from the ‘past its best box’ in B & Q. The checkout girl commented on its lack of life and boasted that her gooseberry bush had already fruited. I ignored her and planted it lovingly next to the omnipresent rhubarb, and waited. During the winter when the snow came, it was covered with 18 inches of heavy snow and appeared to have died, but, against all the odds it survived and has fruited six juicy gooseberries almost ready to go into a pie. Any recipes for a rhubarb and gooseberry dish will be considered. Sadly since writing this less than fifteen minutes ago, Foster Dog has jumped over the gooseberry bush and there are now only five.

COUNTRYSIDE UPDATE
The countryside in the Peak District National Park varies from wild moorland to cultivated dales and farmland, it is a ramblers paradise or so my other half informs me every Tuesday before he rambles off with three of his also retired colleagues. They wander off up hill and down dale putting the world to right and trying to guess the prices of all large and expensive properties on their route. We have several celebrities living in Derbyshire but for the sake of national security I am not allowed to name them, one is a well known blind person who was a member of Tony Blair’s Cabinet and is a friend (this is not a euphemism) of the Dowager Duchess of Devonshire. We all know where he lives because when he was Secretary of State for Northern Ireland, he had guards standing outside his cottage and no matter how posh you are in Derbyshire you don’t need to employ your own armed bodyguards because the sheep are usually friendly.

An artfully arranged hat in mum's study. Who wears that hat? Because I've never seen it. Also if you look on the top shelf of the bookcase, British Myths and Legends is one of Partner's publications. Take that, Research Assessment Exercise!

INTERESTING EATING PLACES IN DERBYSHIRE
I am keeping a diary of all the eating and drinking places that my other half and I visit and the most interesting one this month has to be our visit to Sutton Scarsdale Church which is attached to Sutton Hall. During the spring and summer months, the more mature  members of the church and village, provide FREE tea and biscuits to anyone visiting the Hall or church on a Saturday afternoon, they also sell delicious home made jam and honey at very competitive prices. The tea is beautifully served on silver trays with fresh milk and plenty of biscuits.

BEST BARGAIN OF THE WEEK
A cardigan from Jaeger, originally priced at £160 and reduced to £30. In my rush to buy it I didn’t notice that it was two sizes too big, the assistants were very nice though when I returned it.

SPECIAL THANKS
This has to be to Susie, thank-you enormously for finishing MY quilt, it’s just perfect. [Note from me, this means: remember you promised me that quilt and don't you go giving it to anyone else].

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Thanks mum for your blog post! For fans of my mother’s blog, the next installment will be in a fortnight (I mean, obviously depending on computer access, but that’s when we aim at ;-) ).